It's a very special Imma Fooker FAQ

immafooker — Sat, 14 May 2005 20:19:39 -0700

Actually it's not a FAQ at all, just some stupid survey or survery as I somehow manage to misspell each and everytime, and believe you and me; this is a very lowly survery indeed.

1. What is your full name?

I only give that out for money.

2. What color pants are you wearing?

I’m not wearing any pants.

3. What are you listening to right now?

The hum of the computer.

4. What was the last thing you ate?

If it’s been more than twelve hours ago then I have no idea; probably some Xanax.

5. Do you wish on stars?

I used to till I was hit by wreckage from a falling satellite.

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

White. God bless Anglo-Saxons.

7. How is the weather right now?

It’s perfect. It’s always perfect weather here sans for about six days outta the year. You too can live in climate heaven for the retail price of a half a million dollars, and that’s if you don’t mind squalor.

8. Last person you spoke to on the phone?

Once again this falls under the category of, “If it happened over twelve hours ago, etc, etc...” Do I even talk on the phone anymore? Nah I don’t think I bother.

9. Like the person who sent this to you?

Well noone sent it to me per say. I don’t really know the gal who posted this, but judging from her answers I think it’s safe to assume we would never hang.

10. How old are you today?

More like how old do I look? For I can’t even buy cigarettes or lottery tickets without being carded. Actually I’ve never bought either those items, I just assume this to be factual.

11. Favorite drink?

Apple martinis rarely disappoint; caramel apple martinis are even rarer. Whaler’s Vanilla Rum is happiness inna bottle. Crème de Cacao in milk is very nice on those cool nights. Cointreau is always in stock, but my new teacher Mother secret lover? Chambord; I could drink that stuff with a straw.

12. Favorite sport?

I don’t have to play it do I? I always thought Calvin ball was the most brilliant sport. Still I’ve got my fingers crossed hoping ass scratching will one day make it into the Olympics.

13. Hair color?

It’s blonde; perfect blonde, or at least it will be once I get highlights again.

14. Do you wear contacts?

No, we’ve already concluded I look much better in glasses.

15. Siblings?

Thank God no.

16. Favorite month

These questions are getting just the teensiest bit asinine. Do people actually have a favorite month? Well I’ve been partial to December as it’s the month where I receive my majority of presents. Can we talk about the months I can’t stand? February, an annoying, “Look at me I’m so different,” month and August; just never could stand August.

17. Favorite food?

Whatever I’m eating at the time. Although of all the foods in the world I seem to have a penchant for cheese puffs. Know what would be great? Xanax puffs.

18. What was the last movie you watched?

Monster. I can’t believe I watched it again; my first viewing I nearly hung myself.

19. Favorite day of the year?

I’m just gonna ignore this question till it goes away.

20. What do you do to vent anger?

Torture local transients or small immigrant children.

22. Summer or winter?

Are you asking what the season is now? Can’t even get that right, can ya?

23. Hugs or kisses?

No touching

24. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Whatever melts in my mouth and not in my hand.

25. Do you want your friends to email you back?

Not really, but I prefer not to email them either.

26. Who is most likely to respond?

To what? The gripping Summer or Winter question?

27. Who is least likely to respond?

You’ve lost all dignity at this point.

29. When was the last time you cried?

Last night when my current cat didn’t morph into my dead one which the witch doctor had promised. Bastard!

32. What did you do last night?

We went over this already: I watched Monster. Again! Then I had a shot of Drano.

33. Favorite smell?

My own farts.

34. What inspires you?

The future promise of more looting and pillaging.

35. What are you afraid of?

That this survey will never end.

36. Plain, buttered or salted popcorn?

I see my fears are grounded.

37. What kind of vehicle do you drive?

I don’t, I prefer to be chauffeured.

38. What do you do for a living?

I write angry and vengeful prose. Always do something you love kids.

40. How many years at your current job?

How old am I now?

41. Favorite day of the week?

It matters? When’s Ladies’ Night?

42. What did you do on your last birthday?

I hoped to God that next year’s won’t be so abysmally depressing.

43. How many states have you lived in?

Too damn many

44. Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?

Just finishing up this survey.

Imma Fooker's Blog for the Heavily Sedated

It's a very special Imma Fooker FAQ