“Unit Four, can you read me?”

Panting and gasping for air someone replied, “I’m surrounded!  There’s…. There’s too many of them.  Please, someone…  Aaarrrgh!”

Static.

“Get him back!  Get him back Unit Three.” 

Unit Three frantically tried smacking every button and sometimes two at once. “It’s no good sir.  I’ve lost the link to the digital communicator; I believe it’s been destroyed.”

“You mean the walkie talkies?”

“Yes.”

“Damn!” Unit One spat. “What about the others?”

Unit Three struggled with a fussy joystick and managed to produce live video across the monitor.

“My God, we had no idea the enemy would come so heavily armored.”  Unit One pounded his fist against the desk after witnessing the desecration of Unit Five and Six.

“There are reports coming in from the entire area.  The enemy is heavily armed and impenetrable.” Unit Three swallowed and looked Unit One in the eye, “They’re surrounded sir.”

“Have we anybody left?”

“Hello? Can anybody read me?”

Unit one grabbed the com, “Yes this is Unit One, identify yourself and what’s your location?”

“This is Unit Two sir. Right now my position is under table 7.”

“That’s a lucky number son, how did you manage to escape?”

“I was sampling a cocktail weenie when I spotted the enemy line. I unplugged and grabbed the crockpot containing said weenies and rolled under the nearest table.”

Unit One looked puzzled, “Why can’t we find him through the video feed?”
 
Unit Three’s mouth dropped open to form an, “Uuuuuh” sound.

Then from the com Unit Two replied, “I left my video uplink at the punch bowl sir.”

Unit One sat down and pondered a moment, “Unit Three scan the video link over to the buffet table.  Unit One watched as many a satisfying and not so satisfying hors duerves passed by.  “No.  No.  No…. There! Back to the left and zoom in.”  He grabbed the com again, “Unit Two, can you spot the buffet table from here?”

Unit Two clears his throat, “Ummm no sir, there’s a table cloth blocking my view.”

“Right right.  Can you inconspicuously lift the cloth?”

Tense silence passes.

“Unit Two?”

“Yes sir, I have the buffet table in view.”

“All right son, towards the middle and to the right of a very upsetting green Jello salad is a large metal pot.”

“Yes sir I see it!”

“Unit Two your mission is to grab that cheese dip and bring it back to headquarters.”

“Sir if I may, the buffet table seems heavily guarded.”

“You didn’t join this squadron only to chicken out now.”

“Ummmmm…”

“No you didn’t!  Once out from under the table, take a sharp left, walk ten paces, hit the floor and roll to table two; thereby bypassing Aunt Helga and the gang.  Good luck soldier”

The seconds agonizingly tick by…

“Sir sir!”

“What is it Unit Two?”

“I have the cheese dip in reach but I’ve been spotted and an enemy is fast approaching.”

“Is she armed?”

“No but her intent is clearly to hug.  Please advice.”

Unit Three pipes up, “Shoot her!”

Unit Two replies, “Ok.”

“Nooooo!” Unit One hollered, “This is a no kill mission.  Withdraw your firearm, that is an order!”

“She’s….  She’s nearly on top of me sir.  If I allow the hug to proceed I will most assuredly lose the cheese dip.”

“Start coughing violently and head towards the bathroom.” Unit One ordered.

Sure enough Unit Two began an unsettling cough that stopped Aunt Helga in her tracks, and stole the attention away from the kidnapped cheese dip.  Unit Two bolted every lock on the bathroom door and then slumped against it. 

Unit One and Three looked up, “Did you bring any chips?”