Somewhere…

I know, I know; I’ve been silent but it’s hard to make your mind work when it feels like someone’s using a jackhammer on your spine.  And all ya seem to be doing is counting down the minutes till you can take more pain pills.

Rolled outta bed this afternoon with typical searing pain and Jabba the Hut staring back at me from my mirrored closet doors; that is if Jabba wore mint green jammies with lil kitties on ‘em.  At this point in time it’s hard not to think, “And I went through all that to still feel and look like this?”  However I did hop on the scale and learned I had lost another pound: “Alright, I guess I’ll go on then.”  This now brings us to a total of 24 pounds lost, but how much do I have to lose for my back to stop screaming?

So anyways, I’m no longer spending most of my time in the bathroom.  I know you guys were totally on the edge of your seat about that.  For awhile there I was having very nasty withdrawal symptoms from Effexor since it’s a time released capsule and none of the lil beads seemed to be absorbing.  So they put me on the regular Effexor, however since I was taking the maximum dosage prior they automatically prescribed the same amount.  Turns out taking too much Effexor has very similar symptoms to withdrawal.  Anyways I played experiment and found half the dosage normalized me and no longer made me feel like a paranoid schizophrenic.

I’m not kidding about the paranoid schizophrenia.  I could not focus on anything, 5 or 10 minutes tops.  And I saw things that weren’t really there.  Yeah seriously; like spiders, monsters and people who are dead.  Mix that all together with constant heart palpitations and you got one serious nightmare going on.  

I’ve got portable and cordless back massagers I can drag all over the house, now I just need a laptop to go with ‘em.  I promise next time I’m drugged up good I’ll try and tell ya all that happened and fill in the blanks.

Well originally I was trying to post to the Advanced Bariatric support group leader, but unfortunately Fat-Russ-I-Believe-in-Genie ripped the diagram that Dr. Swartz drew out of my hands thinking I was gonna whine on their message board about how Felix fucked me over by only giving me 100 cm bypass.  When in fact all I wanted it for was to try to explain what I was now (a mixture between RNY and the DS) and how that I feel so alone now because either surgical patients say, "Well I'm sorry honey but I can't just help you because you're different and not like us."

Anyway after my parents who no longer have any need for me go to sleep tonight, I'm gonna knock down the smoke detector that Craig put up for me as soon as I told him noone had bothered to do it for almost 3 years and I was too short (ladder and all), and then I'm gonna torch us all alive.

*thumbsup*