*Audience applauds*

Thank you, thank you.  Welcome to another edition of Velma's Low-Cal Cooking Show.

*The audience cheers wildly*

Today we'll be cooking the Earth's most forgotten and abhorred vegetable the turnip.

*The turnip waves*

Sit down! How dare you upstage me in my show. It seems as though someone needs another talking to from Mr. Cleaver.

*The turnip cowers and hugs a nearby carrot*

*The audience stomps to show their appreciation a few begin to foam at the mouth*

That's more like it. First we need to examine our turnips and check for rotten or bad spots. Grope and fondle if necessary. Once we've selected the very finest of the crop, take your paring knife and impale the turnip onto the nearest cutting board. So's it doesn't get away.

*The turnip whimpers*

Damnit! You were fine in rehearsal. *Hostess clears her throat* Anyway, then we proceed to MASH the turnip into a fine pulp.

*Cries of anguish echo throughout the studio*

*Fanatic applause breaks out and a few women flash the camera*

Now drown you're disfigured turnip in a pool brandy. *The Hostess howls with maniacal laugh*  Hahaha!  Ya like that, huh?  What are ya gonna do now, you stinky smell turnip.

The proceeding was brought to you by The Turnip Haters of Chapter 26.