In the wake of a seeming disaster during Mother’s knee difficulty I found myself guilty over the fact that we did not pursue her surgery in August.  Yet during our visit last week we learned that as of February first her Blue Cross and Shield will cover Dr. Felix. What does that mean?  It means we no longer have to pay the staggering $5000 plus.  What else does that mean?  Well since we refinanced the house for the surgery, we can now finish the garage, build a loft, add landscaping and this property’s worth will sky rocket.  Plus we’ll have more room for all our crap. :-p

I love Dr. Swartz now and I know he likes us and he views us as intelligent women.  I posed the question of Pro Bono work possibly for WLS surgery.  Instead of dismissing me he talked candidly and as an equal to me.  He also made a lot of good points that as a civilian I never would have considered, but I really appreciated his explanations and reasons against it.

Poor Mom, she’s bored to tears.  If you can imagine having to rest all day for past three weeks, well she’s about to pull her hair out. 

Last night I had the privilege of experiencing my first ever Chinese fire drill.  It was Mother’s birthday and she wanted Chinese food, naturally we opted for Chicken Fried Panda.  We walk inside and everything is completely foreign and looking rather fast paced.  Dad turns to me and says, "Ok you know what to do?" 

"Huh? I never been here before."  We had this type of food before but he was under the misconception that I had frequented this place.  So I stumble around, looking frantically at the menu and say, "Ummm, I guess we want three of the three entrée dinners?"  The lil guy is getting all the boxes ready and asks what entrees you want.  By this time another more forceful gal found me and started demanding to know my entrees – with a bit of drool slipping from my mouth I managed to pick some out.  Then suddenly I found myself standing back a ways.  
I asked Russ, "Ummm are we done yet?"  
"No that other guy is working on the vegetables, plus we have to get our other two dinners."  
"Ummm, I think that other gal did it."  
"Are you sure?"  
"I don’t even know anymore."  Then I start to giggle and told him, "Do you realize I’ve just experienced my first ever Chinese fire drill?"

Just when Mother was all set for WLS, one her knees goes gimp on her – she’s had both knees replaced.  It was bad, she couldn’t move, we had to bring the wheelchair in – everyone was freaked.  

Back in jr. high Mother was on disability because she had no cartilage left in either knee and bone was rubbing against bone.  It wasn’t the best of times; she was in a lot of pain, depressed and forced to use a wheelchair.  Now image a pubescent girl (a pubescent fat girl) clearly juggling her own issues and forced to take care of her Mother while Dad was on the road.

Yeah, good times and noone wants to go back, although obviously we’ve all clearly evolved quite a bit.

And so we were operating in high stress level for the past two weeks.  We’re fortunate to have a wonderful physician who listens to us and actually gives us options – I know, what a concept.  Our doctor recommended a surgeon in Fremont who specializes in these kinds of cases and even does “redoes”, which is something we were prepared for.  

Of course it’s always what you never ever would expect.  You know the lil hollow near each of our kneecaps?  Because of her weight and our annoying healthiness, her body has been growing bone over that area to support her.  So this is why it gets out of whack and literally pokes her if she’s in the wrong position.  But seriously, who the hell has ever heard of that?

ME: What?  It’s like you’re regenerating?  You think if we cut off a limb it would grow back?

MOTHER: It might.  You try first.

We do go to Fresno Tuesday to see Dr. Swartz.  Our physician said to keep that appointment and get the surgery as soon as possible.  The quicker we get that weight off, the better she’ll be.

Ya know I watched The Biggest Loser in the beginning, even exercised while it was on, but over time it increasingly became a big annoyance.  I really wanted the skinny spawn of Hitler to drop dead or better yet suddenly wake up to an extra 200 plus pounds.  The gay trainer guy was less of a Nazi, but still exceedingly annoying.  They talked to these people as though they were mentally challenged children.  Suggesting things like, “Read the labels on products.”  Well no shit?  Why if I’d thought of that guess I wouldn’t be fat.  Then of course turning eating into a dire sin: Thou shalt not eat dark meat.  Thou shalt not ever have dressing on a salad.  Thou shalt order a burger with nothing on it, including the bun.  Basically according to the trainers you could go to a restaurant, order a glass of water and lettuce leaf to lick.  It became really, really disturbing and tedious and for once I grew tired of screaming at the television.

Be careful what you wish for.  All my whining about not having someone to hang with on Christmas came back to bitchslap me good.  I am now juggling a few men.  I have moved up in the world as our front runner for the moment is a lawyer.  Although I’ve yet to meet him I’m nearly certain he’s not a transgender (Sorry did I ever tell ya the story about the transgender law student?  No?  Well another day perhaps).  Anyways he has two law offices so if you can imagine this guy is incredibly busy.  I email him throughout the day and many a time around eleven at night the poor guy is still in the office.  He is 45 but youngins have started to annoy me and I feel more comfortable around the late 30’s, early 40’s.  The problem with that lies in that an older man is already to get married and knock me up and we ain’t havin that yet.  The plan for our first date is to run out, start a secret society and get matching tattoos – so far noone has yet to top this.