I can’t believe I’ve lived my life this long without the genius that is South Park.  Now that it’s syndicated I’m forever rambling on about the many jokes until people tell me, “Yes I know, I’ve seen that episode five times already AND I told you about it.”

“I know, but I only pay attention to the things you say that I’m interested in.”  

So it’s all new to me and I love it.  

Chef: Yes, is this customer service? I'm havin' problems with my new television. It sprouted legs and guns 'n started walkin' around shootin' people.

Cartman: Give me your Jew gold Kyle

Stan: We've tried everywhere! Butters, are you absolutely sure we can't go to your house??
Butters: I'm sure! there's no way!
Kyle:    Uh why not?!
Butters: Uh because! Uh my parents are out of town, and I don't have a babysitter.
Cartman: Oh, God-damnit you better be kidding!
Butters: No! I really dont have a babysitter. That's why I'm stayin' at Stan's.
Kyle: This whole time your TV is in a house with nobody in it?!
Stan: Come on, let's just go! We'll kill Butters later!

Kyle: Wow! That's a lot of seamen, Cartman.
Cartman: Yeah, I bought all that I could at this bank, and then I got the rest from this guy Ralph in an alley.
Stan: That's cool.
Cartman: Yeah, and the sweet thing is, the stupid asshole didn't even charge me money for it. He just made me close my eyes and suck on a hose.

Jewish Kid: Is anyone else having problems concentrating on this? I just can't seem to concentrate.
Cartman: Maybe we should send you to a concentration camp.

Chef: Hello there, children.
Stan: Chef! What would a priest want to stick up my butt?
Chef: Goodbye.

Cartman: Butters will give handjobs in the corner for a dollar.
Butters: Sure, I'm good at all sorts of jobs.

Cartman: [strokes the lamb and sets it aside] Hello, Precious. Yes, that's a good Precious. [grabs a basket with a bottle of lotion sitting inside and lowers it down a hole in the basement. The basket stops when it reaches Polly Prissy Pants, which sits at the bottom of the hole] Now it takes the lotion from the basket.
Polly Prissy Pants: [Cartman voicing] Oh please, mister. Please let me out of here.
Cartman: It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.
Poodle: [Cartman voicing] Bark bark bark bark!
Cartman: Yes, that's a good Precious. Okay, now it puts the lotion back in the basket.
Polly Prissy Pants: Please, mister, let me out.
Cartman: It puts the lotion back in the basket!
Polly Prissy Pants: I miss my Mom, mister. I wanna see my Mommy-
Cartman: Put the lotion in the fuckin' basket!
Kyle: What the hell are you doing?
Cartman: We’re playing lambs


The last is my favorite to use around people, places and things that just happen to be annoying me at the moment, “If you don’t stop we’re going to have to play lambs.”  Then I push them into the nearest and most convenient bottomless pit and holler down, “It puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again.”