I’ll have an endoscopy done next week to check the size of my pouch.  Then I’ll need an upper GI to check the size of my stoma; sees if the liquid flows right through or stays a bit.  If my pouch and stoma have not stretched then it’s time to consider a more distal surgery.  I know, just exactly what I didn’t want to do.

I didn’t really get a clear example of what Dr. Swartz was suggesting as I was too busy throwing a fit.  He mentioned 150 cm and I thought that meant all he was gonna leave me with and be like a damn duodenal switch patient, but I’m sure that wasn’t it.  Dr. Swartz is 100%, puttin his foot down, adamantly against DS.  

I trust Dr. Swartz and know he only wants to do what’s best for me, and certainly not having me crapping myself onna daily basis.  It wouldn’t be a risky procedure as he would only be playing with the bowel; no pouch involvement.  He also said it was common to for their practice to conduct one of these revisions every month.  It’s never going to be an exact science for everybody.

So hey, wouldn’t that be neat if it turns out it really isn’t my fault?

Still until I see all the test results I’ll have to keep an open mind.  Even though it seems my pouch and stoma have no problems there’s still a possibility, and I may have to deal with other revision options.

Either way it’s rather uncertain and purty scary.  If I bypass another 150 cm what effects will that have on my body?  Number one is that the malabsorption rate will be much greater.  I just had sooooo many problems before with this surgery; it just seems rather insane to tempt fate again.

But wouldn’t it be great to finally get my fun time?  

Risks and Rewards; who out weighs who?

I’m not like most of the patients who have revisions, I’m basically maintaining without large gains.  For example: I had gained 8 pounds since last year when I weighed at the office.  I made it to 285 on my scales and could never break that for the life of me.

I’m envious of Mother; she’s already lost one hundred pounds and still goin strong.  She’s pulling out old clothes she forgotten she had and finding that they fit.  She’s clearly having fun time.  Once again I’d have to say:  I really wouldn’t mind finally getting my fun time.

I’ve gotten to the point now that I prefer not to disclose my surgery in public.  A bystander learns you had surgery over two years ago and still sees a 300 pound gurl; I grow weary of explanations or just drawing a large L on my forehead.

When it comes to seeking guidance, support, sympathy, etc; I’ve always been incredibly stubborn and refuse to ask for help, or share my sob story complete with melancholy violin music in the background.  Unless of course I have ulterior motives or am just being a jerk.  But this is really, really hard.