That’s the trouble with company; especially company that goes to bed around eight: No tv, cuz there’s a damn person asleep in every room.  And you can only amuse yourself for so long on the computer.

Alright, let’s browse the news and find something to complain or laugh about.

The Avian Flu; blah, blah, blah.  As long as you don’t bite the head off a duck or rub your face vigorously inna seagull, you’ll be ok.

Hey look!  Anger is good for you, but explosive anger, hostile outlook on life and picking people off from a water tower could still give you high blood pressure.  So watch out for that.

Now here’s one I like:

From the Associated Press:

GREENSBURG, Pa. - A man claims his ex-girlfriend owes him more than $30,000 for gluing his genitals to his abdomen five years ago. "This was not just some petty domestic squabble," attorney Grey Pratt told a Westmoreland County jury Wednesday.

His client, Kenneth Slaby of Pittsburgh, is suing Gail O'Toole of Murrysville. His lawsuit claims the two broke up in 1999 after dating for 10 months and Slaby began dating someone else.

Slaby contends that O'Toole invited him over to her home on May 7, 2000, where he fell asleep. He woke up to find that O'Toole had used Super Glue to stick his genitals to his abdomen, glued his buttocks together and spelled out a profanity on his back in nail polish.

Slaby said O'Toole told him it was payback for their breakup, and he had to walk a mile to a gas station to call for help. He pressed charges and O'Toole pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault and served six months' probation.

O'Toole's attorney, Chuck Evans, said it was a consensual act and Slaby wasn't permanently damaged.

"This is a case that should have been left in the bedroom," he said.

And not surprisingly, this was the most viewed photo of the day:


Ok, Latin Grammys, nothing interesting there.  Stevie Wonder wants more Grammys and he’s got a purty good shot since R. Kelly is still trapped inna closet.

Catholics around the world were shocked to discover that nude women do exist.

Oh I just like this one too:

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Inquiring minds want to know. What does President George W. Bush carry in his pockets? Not much, it turns out.

A Latin American journalist at a briefing on the president's trip to the region this week told Bush he wanted to ask the "unofficial" question that he asks all presidents -- what does he carry in his pockets?

Bush magnanimously answered by pulling out a white handkerchief with a flourish and then rummaged around in both pockets.

And finally, showing that he had nothing to hide, Bush pulled both pants pockets inside out. They were empty.

"Es todo. No dinero," ("That's all. No money.") Bush joked in his own brand of Spanglish. "No wallet, no bolsa (wallet)."

He even showed off his Timex wristwatch, but quickly added: "I'm not supposed to be endorsing products."

It’s time for my big secret and stuff!

Now it’s not one hundred percent official, but it’s purty damn close.  And despite everyone downing at least three Vicodin and Xanax shakes a day.  And don’t forget the electricity has lost its marbles.  I mean, all the important things like the computer, tv, and fridge are working, but everything else is having serious problems.  When you turn the oven on, the overhead lights in the living room come on and when you turn on the dryer, the washer comes on.  All I can say is: We’re talented.

So despite the chaos and unwanted guest, I’m happy and here’s why.


This darling boy is Patches.  I always check the AFRP site for new kitties or to see if anyone was adopted.  It was two days before the six month anniversary of Allie’s passing.  I was scrolling down the page and happened on a lil tuxedo cat with green eyes and a pink nose with a freckle on it (just like Al had).  In the picture he was huddled up in his lil bed, looking frightened and here’s why:

This darling, sweet and precious lil guy was trapped (along with his other ten brothers and sisters) inna flooded house in New Orleans  for 3 weeks after hurricane Katrina.  He had to perch high on a bookshelf to stay dry.  Because of the filthy and decayed water, the house became overrun with nasty and life threatening mold.  The house was a disaster and completely uninhabitable.

The Best Friends Network, an organization out of Utah with a 30,000 acre sanctuary for rescued animals, sent their troops down to the ravaged South and worked with the local SPCA to rescue animals, set up temporary shelters and attempt to reunite the pets with their owners.  But Patches family wasn’t sure when their home would become habitable and thus had no way of caring for their cats.  So they tearfully handed them over to the rescue organization.  Best Friends works with many rescue organizations across the country and the pets like Patches were sent to different locations to find new homes.

Well after his ordeal and a 3 ½ day trip to Pacific Grove, poor lil Patches was severely traumatized.  His Foster Mom said he had been shutdown in fear for the first week.  The second week he gradually started to trust and eat a lil food.

Now I’ve been looking at cats ever since Allie passed away, and of course I was always interested in them, but I wasn’t sure if it was the right time.  Also, although she humored me, Mother did not want another cat.  But that night I sat her down at my computer and showed her Patches, and she started to cry.  The next day she kept bugging me to call Patches foster home and get our name in the pot so noone else would get him.  

Ah ha!  I do believe this is the one.

We went to visit him and he was, not surprisingly, a bit skittish and weary of new folk.  He allowed us to pet him, but it was obvious he was still afraid.  So I backed away and just talked to him, and there were a few moments in our conversation where he relaxed and slowly blinked his eyes at me; I saw this as a sign.

Tuesday we went to visit him again and he was acting much more relaxed.  We feed him a lil wet food as this seems to be the trick to him.  While he was eating he allowed me to pet him, then we chatted some more.  When I went to leave he watched me all the way out to the door.

Next week we’re getting a new roof put on the house, and felt we should wait to bring him home until the roof is fixed; didn’t want all that hammering and banging to spook him.

But I feel really good about it.  He’s used to being around other cats and I’m hoping Molly takes to him.  She’s just the sweetest cat and has a very nurturing nature.  I’m just hoping she’ll sense he’s just a sweet sensitive boy like our Allie was, and she’ll try to take care of him.  

We’re purty spoiled around here.  Although we occasionally have our fussiness, the household remains rather peaceful.  Also being 2000 miles away from your family gives you a smashing sense of independence that you would prefer not to be interrupted.  

I pull a Dr. Jekyll whenever my Uncle comes to visit.  My tolerance level for him is about 24 hours; one minute longer turns me into a homicidal maniac.  He is the rudest, crudest, self-centered and loudest person on the face of this Earth.

We are very accommodating hosts and extremely mellow, yet amazingly enough he still finds things to bitch about.  Last night he was in a snit and complained about having cabin fever.  First of all, you’ve only been here three days.  Second, there’s the door and here’s the keys to one of the cars.  Oh no, he’d prefer to bitch.  

We made you lamb osso buco, did your laundry and you’re still complaining.

Another thing he does is ogle and freely shares lewd comments about women.  We’re talking about a 500 pound, 50 year old man with a beard like ZZ Top.  Now he’s always said crap like this and everyone is used to it by now; well mostly.  But honestly, some of the things that come out of his mouth even offend the likes of me, and that’s purty damn hard to do.  I just want to tell him, “Yes, men are attracted to women.  We get it.  You can shutup now.”