Yesterday I was able to fix the sofa bed all by myself AND I did it without a penis. I have lots of bruises to prove it.
We got that dern patio set. I had the most brilliant of plans: I said, “Look, we’ve spent loads of money at this store. Give us the damn set that’s already put together, we’ll gladly pay ya more money.” And amazingly that worked.
Bless my sweet darling Allie’s heart, because of his kidney problem he wazzed all over the place and the two front rooms smell like the Hippo pool. We’re gonna rip the carpet up and replace it with Pergo. And although noone ever in this lifetime will take the place of my boy; Molly and I want a new bud. I don’t wanna look selfish and I ain’t replacing him; I just want someone else to love.
Mother has lost 45 pounds and is runnin circles around me. Every once in awhile I have to smack her in the head over taking those gallbladder pills and her calcium, but she’s a good gurl and a helluva lot happier.
My cousin Craig is visiting us. He’s the only 16 yr old boy in the world I like. It’s amazing, I remember changing his diapers and now he sounds like Barry White. When he first got here he pulled out his camera and said he’d found this picture from two years ago; it was a picture of Allie lying in the sun. Is that not the sweetest kid ever or what? I heart him.
When I was moving stuff outta the way for the new patio set I saw an itty bitty snake. I was very traumatized and Mother said, “Oh Great! Now Brooke won’t go back outside for another year.”
A conversation with Russ
Russ is talking about how property and housing is really cheap in Kentucky.
ME: Yeah but I don’t wanna live in Hicksville. (Although technically I do)
RUSS: Well it’s just something to consider in case we need to retire quickly.
ME: Well what if the South secedes again?
RUSS: I’ll go with ‘em.
ME: If you’ll recall they lost last time.
RUSS: I didn’t say I was gonna fight with ‘em.
ME: Yeah but I don’t wanna live in Hicksville. (Although technically I do)
RUSS: Well it’s just something to consider in case we need to retire quickly.
ME: Well what if the South secedes again?
RUSS: I’ll go with ‘em.
ME: If you’ll recall they lost last time.
RUSS: I didn’t say I was gonna fight with ‘em.
Because I was very tired yesterday and my brain turned to mush, I was acting very silly indeed and a few times became inappropriate for a 16 yr old. For example: We were watching the Discovery Channel and a guy said, “That’s some great suction.” I replied, “Ya know, there’s not a lot of professions in the world where someone might say, ‘That’s some great suction!”
Then Mother and I were busy discussing Lindsey Lohan’s boobies, after all, who isn’t? Mother didn’t think they were real but then I pointed out a member of our own family and how her tits are like rocks. Then I turned to Craig and asked, “Should we keep talking about boobies or would you rather us quit?” hahahaha, poor dear.
My Lortab work now.
