The latest news in what the media is calling The Trial of the Century both sides are preparing their closing statements.  As you already know, Bigfoot was accused of molesting several small shrubs.  Although the defense was able to produce many strong character witnesses such as The Loch Ness Monster and The Abominable Snowmen;  then came a bout of confusion when Rick James’ ghost dropped by and incessantly repeated, “I ain’t never touched that bitch!”

Meanwhile, up in the Northern Region of Manitoba there has been a Michael Jackson sighting.  A local Canuck claimed to see the Michael Jackson camouflaging himself in a tub of fun balls at a local Chuckie Cheese.  When investigators arrived on the scene a military jacket, fake nose and a few lollipops were the only traces left.  Conflicting reports had put him at a Starbucks in Toronto earlier that day, but were later confirmed false when the woman interviewed described the perpetrator as a black man.

Back at the courthouse tensions began to mount while the prosecution closed with a brief rebuttal. 

The jury seemed quite transfixed and Bigfoot’s army of defense began to sweat.  Then suddenly as if from a sign of heaven, Godzilla came crashing in and the court was forced to recess till the next morning.

Back in Canada The Michael Jackson was obviously making the rounds; from playgrounds to petting zoos the reports were flying in claiming to have encountered an unidentified object in a surgical mask.  Panic spread across the land and for the first time in history, Canadians began locking their doors.

Once the courthouse repairs were finished and Godzilla given a good talking to, the trial resumed.  The defense attempted to invoke the jury’s pity over Bigfoot’s unfortunate childhood, and how Bigfoot would kill himself before ever harming a shrub – all the while Bigfoot was picking a large leafy limb from his teeth.  The defense came to rest and the jury was lead out to make their decision.  In a catastrophic turn of events, the next morning the jury was found to be hung; literally, they were all very dead.  And thus the case was denounced as a mistrial.

There have been no sightings of The Michael Jackson for over a week and Canada can finally breathe a sigh of relief.  Unfortunately reports are just now reaching us of a developing terror sweeping the small nation of Indonesia.

It’s true, although popular opinion would disagree; I’m not mentally ill, at least not enough to get on the public dole.  Apparently I literally need to be hearing voices.

“Oh come on!  I’m not even Bipolar?” Therapist shakes her head. 

Well damn, that’s really gonna bum the folks who consider otherwise.  If it were up to me I’d certainly be sucking off their teat.  *shrug*  As it is…

Here’s an interesting question to pose: Asking outer members of my family to put my bumper sticker on their car, but they may never visit the site.  “No!  Clearly I was talking about my other Aunt Kaye who’s dying of a rare illness and also resides inna nursing home.  God!  Does everything have to be about you?”

In other news Mother is distancing herself from me 28 weeks earlier than I expected.  This is her way of making up for all the supposed mistakes she made with me; if she ostracizes me now maybe I’ll fuck off and go do something.