I’m really surprised by the amount of stupidity on this planet – well, almost.  

I love folks who read the headlines and never bother with those useless paragraphs underneath.  Take this one for example:

Hurricane Katrina Rips Superdome Roof

Oh my God the Superdome’s roof has been ripped off!  All those 9000 people will be killed!

No they won’t.  If I may direct your attention to the actual article and the purty lil pictures along side it, you’ll learn that indeed the flimsy plastic lining was ripped off but only two small sections of the roof actually gave way.  That’s two small sections equipped with vents where the wind found a path to bust through.  Besides the arena there’s also a very large cement concourse and underground parking lot.  So if the storm had been nastier residents would have been safe there.  Normally two very small holes in the roof of a ten acre building do not compromise the structure, and this time is no different.

The president’s speech was predictable.  Ya know what would be fun?

And now the President of the United States…

President walking up to the podium, clearing his throat: "These things happen."

And then he leaves!

Ya know what we do here in Monterey when idiot tourists get stuck out on the rocks and the tide comes in?  Of course we save ‘em, but after the medical treatment we hand ‘em a bill.  That’s right, it’s a stupidity bill.  You have the right to be a dumbass and we have the right to charge you for it.  I think the city of New Orleans ought to do the same for folks who ignored the mandatory evacuations then squalled for help when the floods came.  

Stupid Person: “Thank you for saving my life.”

Rescue Guy: “Uh huh, here ya go.”

Stupid Person: “This is a bill for $15,000.”

Rescue Guy: “Yup, these helicopters cost a ton; plus snacks for me and the guys.”

Stupid Person: “What if I refuse to pay?”

Rescue Guy pushes Stupid Person out of the helicopter: “That.”

Here’s a really nifty proclamation the city made: All who abandon their pets and animals will be force to pay and a penalty or fine.  Neat huh?

Skittles was adopted, so this is my new lil guy I'm sponsoring.  P.S. I've visited this lil guy before and he is fun and relaxed.  When I went to see he was all stretched out on his back, paws in the air and fast asleep.  Then he got up and banged on the wall when a couple kittens downstairs were being rambunctious.

Well I had to turn the option of anonymous comments off as I got tired of deleting all the casino spam comments.  Seriously, I was starting to get about a dozen daily, and that’s just damn tiresome.  So now if you’re compelled to comment you must register with the site and memorize yet another login name and password. I know, too much effort and I don’t expect it; I wouldn’t.

This would explain my absence as folks after such an experience tend to need a bit more care.

Thank so very much Katrina.

So in the tradition of conspiracy theories; do you really think there’s a weapon that can control the weather?  Certainly not in any God-like omnipotent sense, but manipulate it a bit?

The web server that provides my email address also has an account with Postini.com.  This is hands down the best spam filter I’ve ever had the pleasure of using.  You log into your account, browse through the spam making sure an actual email message didn’t get sequestered, and change the settings if needed.  The best part is that nothing gets to your mailbox unless ya want it to.  

Here’s some recent upsetting spam: See All of The Nanny!  I find this deeply disturbing as I don’t feel the need to lay eyes on (or listen to) Fran Drescher, let alone see her naked.  

You think somewhere out there are nude photos of Alex Trebek?

I know I keep finding kitties I’d like to adopt, however I force myself to let a couple days go by in order to allow a lil rational in.  After reading about Colin, I’ve decided I’d like to become a foster home in order to save another life.

I actually got to meet with an AFRP representative today at PetsMart.  She’s fostering 12 cats at the moment; however she keeps ‘em in different rooms and cages so it’s not as bad as one might think.  Obviously 12 I’m not interested in, but having a cage or two gives you an a option when you leave the home for an hour or two.  

I was attempting to share this information with Fat Russ and what did he say? “I don’t want any more cats.”  Ummm, I would be taking care of them until they’re ready to be adopted.  Doesn’t matter and he’s not even listening.  He’s sure it may become an inconvenience to him and he’s trying to put his foot down and rule the roost.  That’s cute and all, but personally I would rather not watch the Lord’s channel or ever hear from the Bible again.  Oh and it would be nice if you managed to aim for the toilet bowl when ya piss.

But seeing as how I’m certain my demands will be ignored, I plan on ignoring the hell outta you too.

What are ya gonna do if I bring another cat in here?  Pray at me?  Threaten me?  Hit me?  The latter would be great as you’d get kicked outta this house for good.  So go fuck yourself; I’ll do as I please.

The Iraqi Kaysar got booted from the house not once, but twice.  In an interview he confided his surprise over the dishonesty of his roommates and added, “And death to America!”

So much for CBS's idea to smooth that darn whole Iraqi war over by letting an Iraqi win a reality show.

There goes the clothes’ line – Marge Simpson

Normally I’m not too concerned with these matters.  Gargantuan metal busses gliding above the clouds; probability tells us a few are gonna come crashing down sooner or later.  However, logically there isn’t much to fear.  There’s an excellent chance you won’t feel a damn thing.

Still, haven’t there been at least three crashes in the past week?  That’s a lil unusual and devastating seeing as how one fatal error tends to doom an airline for eternity.

Pan Am never recovered after one of their flights exploded over Scotland.

TWA’s ultimate demise was thanks to their flight exploding over the Atlantic

Since 9/11 United had to declare bankruptcy, although they still seem to be limping along.

Concorde’s lil mishap shut them down for good.

On the local news tonight they shared stories around the country regarding the gas price issue from some of their local Hearst affiliates.

The average cost of gasoline in Fayetteville, Arkansas is $2.50 a gallon.  People in Arkansas ain’t even go two pennies to rub together.  I’ve seen folks from Arkansas; they can’t even afford a dentist.  How are they ever gonna fill up the nineteen cars parked on their front lawn?

Yesterday we were up in Fremont for Mother’s pre-op testing for her knee surgery on Monday.  This sort of thing takes awhile so I roamed the hospital and purty much ran off everywhere till eventually someone asked, “Can I help you Miss?”  After being caught I had to go sit down and wait like a good gurl. 

A Sikh came along looking utterly lost and he asked me for help.  His English was broken and heavily accented, but with a bit of pantomime I was able to realize he needed blood taken.  Then I asked if it was for pre-op testing and he said that he was.  So I took him to the office Mom went to.  The receptionist had left her desk for a moment so I waited with him still she came back.  I told him that my Mother was having pre-operative testing also so this should be the place.  The lady came back and asked if he was Mr. So and So, and indeed he was.  He then thanked me and asked if I was American, and of course I said yes.

So you see, yesterday I saved America from being bombed. *thumbsup*

P.S. Yes I know that Sikhs are from East India and Pakistan, they’re incredibly polite and have nothing to do with Islam; it’s just a lot more fun claiming I saved the world.

Itdn’t neat when ya get sooo popular ya start receiving spam comments?  

Anyways if someone from such countries as, oh let’s say India or Hong Kong drop by and decide to leave another flaming spam comment (and especially if it’s befouling any article pertaining to Allie); I will be forced to shred through your testicles with my lovely pointy nails, fry them up and feed them to you.  I can also saw off your cunt with a rusty pocket knife and make you wear ‘em as earmuffs.  And I’m a most agreeable and generous person so tell ya what, I’ll let you pick.

After a statewide search I’ve located the cat and surprisingly the other cat I want.  They’re up in Morgan Hill and about 1 ½ years old.  Yeah I know, notice the striking resemblance.

Desi and his brother Ulysses were trapped as kittens at a business in Silicon Valley. Desi is a very sweet boy, and absolutely adores his food. He is always waiting, one of the first kitties to demand his share of the food. He meows politely to let you know that it's his turn to eat. Initially skittish, he's come a long way; he's still a bit shy but once you win him over (not very hard, just feed him!) he responds with a great deal of love. He purrs and purrs and loves to have his back scratched. He is very good with other cats, and ideally would go to a home with other cats that would like a companion. If you are looking for a almost-perfectly matched pair, perhaps you'd like him and Ulysses too? Desi is just waiting to be petted and fed and loved. Won't you give him a place in your house?

Ulysses is a brown striped tabby tuxedo cat with a cute pink nose and adorable round face!He was trapped in 2002 as an older feral kitten from a San Jose industrial park drainage pipe along with many of his siblings. His brothers and sisters quickly learned to love being around humans and have all been adopted into homes.Although Ulysses was very brave while learning to trust humans during his stay in a foster home, he initially decided that he prefers the company of other cats more than humans. However, as time has gone by, he has become friendlier and friendlier. He often hangs around with his brother Desi, and waits for his share of the food. When he does finally learn to trust you enough to let you get close, he absolutely adores having his butt scratched and loves to play with a kitty teaser, which will be a good way to get to know him after adoption! And watch out .. as the volunteers know, once he decides he likes you, he WILL follow you from place to place demanding to be petted! He's still a bit shy, but adores other kitties, and really wants to become closer to humans. While earning his trust, you can enjoy watching Ulysses cuddle and play with other cat buddies in the meantime!  Ulysses gets along extremely well with other cats and kittens. He grew up around two big dogs while in his foster home, so he figures they're OK to have around. Ulysses has already been at the shelter for many months so we'd like to find him a special home where he can be accepted for who he is. If you are interested in this gorgeous gentle cat, please contact us!

 

Since Tarzan has been adopted, this is the new cat I’m sponsoring: Skittles.

Skittles is a handsome Maine Coon mix with a mellow and easy-going personality. He is great with kids, and loves to be picked up and held like a big baby. Skittles family moved away and left him at the SPCA. Skittles was unhappy being around all the other cats there, and didn't show very well to potential adopters. He is much happier now as a single cat in an AFRP foster home, and would be a wonderful pet for a family with no other cats. Skittles is four years old, neutered, vaccinated and micro-chipped. Give us a call if you would like to meet this big fluffy boy! (831) 333-0722

Unfortunately I had made a mistake when viewing the adoptable cats’ page and never read the fine print beneath the Salinas Animal Shelter: While the AFRP does try to rescue animals from shelters they are burdened with limited space and the city shelters do euthanize. 

Here’s one that particularly bummed me out.

Colin Feral plays his greatest role as a stray cat that is down on his luck and ended up at the Salinas Animal Shelter. He is hard-pressed to find an owner before his time runs out. So what's your motivation?-a great loving cat that can go home with you today and make your home a stage for a blockbuster hit. Colin is a 2 year old male, and is already neutered. For more information, call the Salinas Animal Shelter at 831-758-7285 and ask about Animal #26428.

  
Did they have to say,”Hard pressed to find an owner?”  I went to their site and was hard pressed to learn how long they keep animals before they’re euthanized.  Also, due to budget cuts all over the city of Salinas; you know unimportant crap such as schools, library, parks, youth centers; they’ve not surprisingly also cutback on the animal shelter’s funding.

Wanna hear my theory about who the Carver is?  If not, then this would be an excellent time to poke your eyes out.

It would probably be for the best if someone sat me down, patted my hand and said, “Honey it’s only a television show.”  But since noone’s bothered to do this I’ve been obsessively watching all the past Nip/Tuck episodes; combing over them and searching for clues.

Now a lot of people will put the blame on Matt, but these were also the same folks who thought it was Ava’s son Adrian – ooops, he’s dead now.  Way too obvious a choice anyway.

Julia’s not entirely stable herself; however she did have that epiphany after smashing head first into a sliding glass door.

Kimber is a fruitcup, but she’d never have the brains to pull it off.  Try and remember the lil speeches The Carver gave before he started slashing folks; in short, way too many big words for Kimber.

Now what ever happened to Dr. Santiago their resident therapist?  She seemed to have disappeared into thin air.

At times I’m suspicious of Liz.  She certainly fits the characterization of the embittered Carver and their obsession of societies’ view of the perfect beautiful person, but I could never see her hurting another human being intentionally.  She has your average inner turmoil but not enough to manifest this type of behavior.

This is why I regrettably keep looking at Sean.  We’ve seen too often that Sean is the type of individual to keep emotions bottled up inside.  He’s been Mr. Walks the Straight Line for too long and it’s starting to grate on him.  There have been subtle hints and signs from the beginning of this show.

Remember the first episode where they fed the dead guy to the crocodiles and Christian said that he found it a lil worrisome as to how easily Sean was handling cleaning up after a dead body?

Remember the multi-personality patient?  Sean asked Sassy where she went when Montana returned and then how he could get there.

What happened to Sean’s Yips? By the third episode of the second season they had suddenly vanished.

Sean’s car crash and the lil cut he received just under the eye.  It was soon after that episode that the Carver appeared.  

So my theory:  It’s Sean, but it’s not Sean.  He’s kept things bottled up inside so long that he snapped.  While he’s the Dudley Do Right he still desperately yearned to defy society, to be the bad boy, to be a bit more like Christian.  Sean has never been totally satisfied with his work as a plastic surgeon; he took on more pro bono cases in hopes of truly helping people as opposed to sucking out fat or making bigger tits.  Sean couldn’t kill Escobar, and The Carver has never killed anyone; only mutilated.  

Is there possibly anything more relaxing and luxurious than lounging around a hair salon and spa all day long?  Maybe, but not too many.

This is how I spent last Thursday; arrived at nine and did not depart till four.  Smashing highlights, facials, Martin Scorsese eyebrows ripped off; all wonderful and divine and yet it gets better.  I had the utmost pleasure of experiencing firsthand the most exciting and brilliant invention since the wheel.

Everyone leaned forward expectantly.

Are ya ready?

Eyelash tinting.  

No no no!  Don’t run off yet; I’m serious.  Every woman in the world needs to run out and have this done now.  I will never touch mascara again.  Not that I ever mastered the damn technique anyway, and even if by the grace of God I somehow managed not to have the dreaded spider lash look, a few hours later I would inevitably have the raccoon look.  Believe me I tried a shitload of products.  Even got this stuff from Urban Decay called Galoshes for your eyelashes; still didn’t work!

Now eyelash tinting?  No more raccoon eyes, no more poking your eye out with the damn brush and it lasts for four weeks.  And did I mention you wake up in the morning looking hot?

Pffft!  Nuff said.  

When fat gurls are in denial it is truly sad.  I had a gurl in my fifth grade class who swore up and down that she most assuredly was not fat; she just had big bones.  I told her, "Honey, ain't noone in the world have that big a bone structure."

Famed Tub-O-Lub and Scientologist Kirstie Alley claims to have lost 40 pounds on Nutri-System.  Or was it Jenny Craig?  Ya know, one of  those diet plans that provides their own meals.  I don’t care; good for her.  My problem is that before this diet she claimed to only weigh 200 pounds and she’s about 5’9”.

Here's me at 200 pounds and I'm only 5'2".	Here's Kirstie Alley at her claimed 200 pounds.
And in contrast here's a picture of model Toccara Jones who also happens to be 5'9" and weighing in at 205 pounds when the photo was taken. Please to note Toccara Jones is much hotter than either myself or Kirstie.

 

Sweet, sweet boy: Somebody adopted lil Tarzan. 

It's a less kicking day.

Went to a pet store today that also has a lil kitty adoption center, and of course I could’ve easily run home with all of ‘em.  I got to readin their lil summaries or back stories.  Many of them sweet, darling, fun-loving affectionate cats; abandoned only because a gaggle of pussies and putzes moved away and never bothered to deal with the pet they supposedly loved so dear.  I hope they all get genital warts.

They had a resident cat there at the store.  Completely takes you by surprise; as you’re walking by all the ample and fluffy pet beds there’s a lil white ball of fur in one of ‘em.  A sweet lil snow white kitty that bore the scars of past abuse, including the tips of her ears cut off.  Mother said that unfortunately there are many people who enjoy torturing cats.  I hope they get genital warts…. On their lips.  Mother also added anus lice to the list.

On the AFRP’s website they picture and list many of the available cats and dogs for adoption.  There are a few listed under the category of Compassionate Choice: This is when the animal needs special care or has been with the organization for awhile and the adoption fee is waived.  Two sweet female cats, but aged at 15 and one of ‘em with Renal Kidney Failure like Al had.  Everyone likes ‘em young, and you know they wouldn’t be with you for very long.  So the chance of adoption is slim to none.

On the Discovery Health Channel tonight they aired a program called Born Without a Face.  I asked, “Well how the hell can that happen?”  Then I hit Info, “Oh, Treacher Collins Syndrome.”  I could go into the medical logistics, but basically it’s a birth defect that causes facial deformities, hearing loss and breathing difficulties.  Depending on the severity surgeries can correct most problems and at least give the child some sort of normalcy.  Unfortunately the toddler depicted in this documentary suffered from one of the most severe cases; she literally resembled a Picasso.  Because of the major deformities of her mouth, jaw and tongue she’s unable to speak or even cry out in pain. All this aside, and with innumerable surgeries ahead of her, she’s still one feisty lil cuss.    

I know, I know; I just can’t shut up about this, but it’s so upsetting it’s alluring.  

Ya ever been to the site?  It’s fun.  Upsetting, but fun.  They even have an entire page dedicated to safety standards.  Well half a page; actually it’s just a couple paragraphs.  Wanna see?

Safety is the first consideration in any sport, and the IFOCE insists that all sanctioned competitive eating matches take place in a controlled environment with the proper safety measures in place.

The IFOCE will not sanction or promote any events that do not adhere to the highest safety regulations. The IFOCE believes that speed eating is only suitable for those 18 years of age or older and only in a controlled environment with appropriate rules and with an emergency medical technician present.

The IFOCE is against at-home training of any kind. The IFOCE strongly discourages younger individuals from eating for speed or quantity under any circumstances. The IFOCE urges all interested parties to become involved in sanctioned events -- do not try speed eating at home.

Ya know if they’d written out their entire name as opposed to initials, they might have actually filled the page.

But let’s face it; gluttony’s been around since the dawn of time.  It’s fun damnit!  For instance take the ancient Greeks:  To honor their God of wine and what not, they partied down and had one helluva food orgy.  Outside there was a long wooden trough filled with running water; folks would come out, barf their guts up and then go back inside for more partying.

See?  Bulimia used to be fun.    

Dude, Saudi Arabia was just here.  I was scared for a moment, but then I recall announcing that I was gonna join up with Al-Qaeda about a week ago.  Especially after watching those competitive food eating contests I found myself saying, “I suddenly have the urge to blow people up too.”

I come from a long line of Goddamn hobbits.  Standing at nearly 5’2”, I’m the tallest of them all, and that’s purty sad.  Besides your obvious inconveniences like never being able to reach a damn thing, EVEN if you’re standing onna ladder; you gain weight so incredibly easy.  

Amazingly, underneath this mass of fat, I have small bones.  Seriously, I have the tiniest feet and hands; people just go on and on about them.  

Take a 6’2” individual: This person could easily eat between 2000 and 2500 calories a day and never gain an ounce.  While midgets like me must stay between 1000 and 1200 calories to keep from gaining.  

Now reaching upwards of 430 pounds was certainly a feat for me, but…  Let’s go back to that 6’2” individual: How much do you believe they had to consume onna daily basis to reach 615 pounds?  They literally would have had to eaten one gingerbread house per day; that’s a Hansel and Gretel life size gingerbread house.  Of course back in my day I knew how to inhale great quantities of food, but I’m purty sure I never reached THAT level of gluttony.

To maintain 430 pounds with my frame and height I needed a daily calorie intake of 2500.  For the 6’2” individual to maintain they’re strapping 615 pounds, they needed a daily calorie intake of 4500.

Must be nice to be tall.