Besides amputation or being dead for six months.  Nearly starving yourself, exercising, taking laxatives and water pills (also for good measure I’ve quit my Protonix so eventually anything I put in my mouth will make me nauseous).  Tada!  Then you finally lose weight.

Why the sudden obsession with weight loss?  Well obesity has become the newly criticized vice.  We’re like the smokers of the twenty-first century; people snarl in disgust and loathe us to the core.  Now your only chance at acceptance is to be thin.  It’s true, the majority of people who have this surgery or lose weight in general and reach their goal weight suddenly become very critical of the people who remind them of their former self.  

As you’re well aware of, I’ve only been mildly successful with this surgery but the weight loss stopped at 300 pounds.  Look at Mother: loses a pound every other day and eats croissants every morning.  What’s that like Ma; being able to eat food and still lose weight while my stomach pitches a constant fit and starts feeding on itself?

Yeah I ain’t gettin any younger and the question is what’s Brooke gonna do when her parents are gone?  They’re getting a lil tired of me so the only logical step is to marry me off to some rich guy; as they’ve ruined and spoiled me for life.  *thumbsup*  Plus I just want to work as a volunteer for animal rescue organizations.  But ya think I can nab a nice rich fellar looking like this?  Oh no no no no!  So obviously it’s time for drastic measures.

It is funny.  I never thought I’d see the day where I came to hate food.  I love food; I love it lots, but clearly it ain’t helping me any.  So out it goes.

I actually kinda hate to see it come to this, but what are ya gonna do?

A positive testing of FIV for your cat is not a sudden declaration of death and doom.  Although FIV and HIV are similar; FIV is a distinctly species specific diseases.  Contrary to popular belief FIV is not easily transmitted between cats.  A deep cut or bite is most often the culprit while sexual activity is normally not a risk although all FIV positive cats should be spayed or neutered.  And let’s be honest, you should really be spaying and neutering your cats anyway, cuz clearly Bob Barker thinks you’re all jackasses – and he’s right.

From the Cornell University College of Veterinary Medicine:

It has been estimated that the majority of FIV+ cats never become ill from the virus. From what we have seen, FIV+ cats are more likely to lose their lives because they have tested positive (and no one is willing or able to take them), than because they actually become ill.

From The Best Friends Organization:




It would seem the preferable choice would be to house FIV positive cats with other positives, or a one cat household.  However there are success stories of FIV positive cats living with normal cats and never passing on the virus.

Here is an example of one very handsome and distinguished gentleman named Grayson:

For someone whose normal temperature ranged between 96.5 – 97.0 (I am one cold blooded witch), to now be running a nearly hundred degree temperature for the last week certainly can’t mean shiny happy things.

One week ago something extraordinary happened: I lost complete interest in food; everything made me nauseous.  Honest to God Cheetos remained in the pantry forlorn and forgotten.

I must admit I’m a lil more than disgusted at the folks whose hand I held through the frightening beginnings of their surgery only to be followed by, “Brooke who?”

I could pursue the reasoning behind my recent peculiar symptoms or just ignore the hell outta ‘em and play the guessing game.  Guessing game is more fun, plus doesn’t include anymore annoying tests or yards of tubing down my esophagus – me and my wide awake esophagus.

Dearest Allie, I saw you today through the eyes of an 18 week year old kitten.  It’s been almost five months since your passing and yet it seems like yesterday.  Through out this time I’ve racked my brain trying to understand the enormity of my grief; why the pain seemed unbearable and never ending.  

I’ve loved and lost a number of pets.  As a child I watched my house burn to the ground.  At the tender age of nine I wept over Mother’s miscarriage.  I saw my Grandpa’s twisted and lifeless body, shaded a freakishly cartoon yellow.  And yet nothing ever slammed me to the ground like your death.

But now I think I understand: You gave me the most priceless gift on this Earth; the purest form of love and devotion and unflinching trust.  And even in death you taught me how very precious life can be.  So now I emerge from grief and anguish not embittered and impenetrable, but hopeful and receptive.  

And so for you, I stay.

       

Never go 30 hours without sleep.  What a mind melt.  It was seriously trippy with several P’s.

I'm now seeing and hearing things that aren't there, and I have waking dreams quite frequently.  Oh and my left eye twitches constantly.

Possibly if you become so insane you'll forget all your pain and suffering.

That's the day I look forward to.

I swear to God it happened again just as I was gettin ready to press the submit button.  A middle-aged Asian man was in here with me, critiquing my article.

Not to mention big, fat, ugly chick but also unintelligible.

Wanna hear my theory?  I don't deserve a happy existence; for all the bad things I did in my lifetime are now coming back to bite me in the ass and other various body parts.

Either that or I'm God's number one practical joke.  And hell at least I'm entertaining somebody right?

Do you know I didn't sleep at all last night?  And I really don't care.

I lifted the ban because frankly I was lonely and even if the casino jerks hop on over, the more the merrier.

And every day I wish I was small – Kendall Payne

I wish Allie was here with me.  I miss him.  I loved him madly and vice versa.  Allie never cared if I was a fat, ugly, bitch.  Even after hollering at him for wazzin on the rug or when I accidentally stepped on his foot or tail.  Even in the end when I had to give him subcutaneous fluids, he still always loved me.

I hurt lots and I want Ulysses and Desi.

I’m such a naïve nitwit.  I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s clearly something wrong with me; just look at my pictures for starters.  I seem to be missing something vital that everyone else has.

You know who has the hots for me?  East Indians and Pakistanis.  I’ve been considering pitting them against each other and then they’ll blow themselves up and I’ll will win a Nobel Peace Prize.

It’ll never be the same after this.

There are honestly people in this country who believe New Orleans and the Mississippi Gulf Coast were smited by God for their naughtiness.  Oh and then there are the folks who believe it’s really not that dire of a situation. Most people are too busy focusing on the looting to realize that one million people are now without home or work.  Oh and there also happens to be entire oil rigs setting in folks’ backyard.  Guess what?  Since George Clooney and Brad Pitt held a gun to our head ordering us to pay a billion dollars to the tsunami victims (who only lived in huts to begin with); we can’t afford this catastrophe.  

Say…  Ya think all the celebrities who own two to three homes across the country will lend them out to the victims?

Politicians constantly boast, “We will rebuild this city!”  But this is after their statement, “It’ll take about a month to pump the water out although first we have to dam up the levee; which we are so working on right now. *thumbsup*”  Wow!  Really?  So after hanging out in infested and diseased water for about a month none of these wood and plywood buildings will be compromised?   

“Gosh why are there folks shooting at the helicopters?”  Guess what?  After four days of a government no-show the roaming local gangs concluded the country was no longer interested in New Orleans and the city was theirs for the taking.

Remember the Venezuelan President that ol’ Pat Robertson wanted to assassinate?  Why that terrible wicked man not only offered his condolences, but funding and aid as well.  He also pointed out that the US government had done a piss poor job at helping their people.

Here’s a heartwarming article from the Associated Press:

NEW ORLEANS - New Orleans descended into anarchy Thursday as corpses lay abandoned in street medians, fights and fires broke out, cops turned in their badges and the governor declared war on looters who have made the city a menacing landscape of disorder and fear.

"They have M-16s and they're locked and loaded," Gov. Kathleen Blanco said of 300 National Guard troops who landed in New Orleans fresh from duty in Iraq. "These troops know how to shoot and kill, and they are more than willing to do so, and I expect they will."

Look, Governor Blanco (what an appropriate name) made an appearance after her 48 hour spa retreat.  I think what the governor meant to say was to kill off everyone who won’t vote for me for re-election.

Four days after Hurricane Katrina roared in with a devastating blow that inflicted potentially thousands of deaths, the fear, anger and violence mounted Thursday.

"I'm not sure I'm going to get out of here alive," said Canadian tourist Larry Mitzel, who handed a reporter his business card in case he goes missing. "I'm scared of riots. I'm scared of the locals. We might get caught in the crossfire."

The chaos deepened despite the promise of 1,400 National Guardsmen a day to stop the looting, plans for a $10 billion recovery bill in Congress and a government relief effort
President Bush called the biggest in U.S. history.

New Orleans' top emergency management official called that effort a "national disgrace" and questioned when reinforcements would actually reach the increasingly lawless city.

About 15,000 to 20,000 people who had taken shelter at New Orleans convention center grew ever more hostile after waiting for buses for days amid the filth and the dead. Police Chief Eddie Compass said there was such a crush around a squad of 88 officers that they retreated when they went in to check out reports of assaults.

"We have individuals who are getting raped, we have individuals who are getting beaten," Compass said. "Tourists are walking in that direction and they are getting preyed upon."

Col. Henry Whitehorn, chief of the Louisiana State Police, said he heard of numerous instances of New Orleans police officers — many of whom from flooded areas — turning in their badges.

"They indicated that they had lost everything and didn't feel that it was worth them going back to take fire from looters and losing their lives," Whitehorn said.

A military helicopter tried to land at the convention center several times to drop off food and water. But the rushing crowd forced the choppers to back off. Troopers then tossed the supplies to the crowd from 10 feet off the ground and flew away.

In hopes of defusing the situation at the convention center, Mayor Ray Nagin gave the refugees permission to march across a bridge to the city's unflooded west bank for whatever relief they could find. But the bedlam made that difficult.

"This is a desperate SOS," Nagin said in a statement. "Right now we are out of resources at the convention center and don't anticipate enough buses."

At least seven bodies were scattered outside the convention center, a makeshift staging area for those rescued from rooftops, attics and highways. The sidewalks were packed with people without food, water or medical care, and with no sign of law enforcement.

An old man in a chaise lounge lay dead in a grassy median as hungry babies wailed around him. Around the corner, an elderly woman lay dead in her wheelchair, covered up by a blanket, and another body lay beside her wrapped in a sheet.

"I don't treat my dog like that," 47-year-old Daniel Edwards said as he pointed at the woman in the wheelchair.

"You can do everything for other countries, but you can't do nothing for your own people," he added. "You can go overseas with the military, but you can't get them down here."

The street outside the center, above the floodwaters, smelled of urine and feces, and was choked with dirty diapers, old bottles and garbage.

"They've been teasing us with buses for four days," Edwards said. "They're telling us they're going to come get us one day, and then they don't show up."

Every so often, an armored state police vehicle cruised in front of the convention center with four or five officers in riot gear with automatic weapons. But there was no sign of help from the National Guard.

At one point the crowd began to chant "We want help! We want help!" Later, a woman, screaming, went on the front steps of the convention center and led the crowd in reciting the 23rd Psalm, "The Lord is my shepherd ..."

"We are out here like pure animals," the Issac Clark said.

"We've got people dying out here — two babies have died, a woman died, a man died," said Helen Cheek. "We haven't had no food, we haven't had no water, we haven't had nothing. They just brought us here and dropped us."

Tourist Debbie Durso of Washington, Mich., said she asked a police officer for assistance and his response was, "'Go to hell — it's every man for himself.'"

"This is just insanity," she said. "We have no food, no water ... all these trucks and buses go by and they do nothing but wave."

FEMA director Michael Brown said the agency just learned about the situation at the convention center Thursday and quickly scrambled to provide food, water and medical care and remove the corpses.

This is the same Michael Brown who told folks it would take 5 or 6 days to reach them.  This boy doesn’t do “scrambled” he prefers eggs benedict in his plush and air conditioned suite in Baton Rouge, but by God he does feel those folks’ pain.  By the way Michael, how is that reporters and even BBC reporters from jolly ol’ England have made it to these forsaken towns, and yet it will take you 5 or 6 days?

Speaking on CNN's "Larry King Live," Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff said the evacuation of New Orleans should be completed by the end of the weekend.

I love this guy!  Today he pronounced Katrina “Catarina”.  We are so in good hands.

At the hot and stinking Superdome, where 30,000 were being evacuated by bus to the Houston Astrodome, fistfights and fires erupted amid a seething sea of tense, suffering people who waited in a lines that stretched a half-mile to board yellow school buses.

After a traffic jam kept buses from arriving for nearly four hours, a near-riot broke out in the scramble to get on the buses that finally did show up, with a group of refugees breaking through a line of heavily armed National Guardsmen.

One military policeman was shot in the leg as he and a man scuffled for the MP's rifle, police Capt. Ernie Demmo said. The man was arrested.

Some of those among the mostly poor crowd had been in the dome for four days without air conditioning, working toilets or a place to bathe. An ambulance service airlifting the sick and injured out of the Superdome suspended flights as too dangerous after it was reported that a bullet was fired at a military helicopter.

"If they're just taking us anywhere, just anywhere, I say praise God," said refugee John Phillip. "Nothing could be worse than what we've been through."

By Thursday evening, 11 hours after the military began evacuating the Superdome, the arena held 10,000 more people than it did at dawn. National Guard Capt. John Pollard said evacuees from around the city poured into the Superdome and swelled the crowd to about 30,000 because they believed the arena was the best place to get a ride out of town.

As he watched a line snaking for blocks through ankle-deep waters, New Orleans' emergency operations chief Terry Ebbert blamed the inadequate response on the Federal Emergency Management Agency.

"This is not a FEMA operation. I haven't seen a single FEMA guy," he said. He added: "We can send massive amounts of aid to tsunami victims, but we can't bail out the city of New Orleans."

FEMA officials said some operations had to be suspended in areas where gunfire has broken out, but are working overtime to feed people and restore order.

A day after Nagin took 1,500 police officers off search-and-rescue duty to try to restore order in the streets, there were continued reports of looting, shootings, gunfire and carjackings — and not all the crimes were driven by greed.

When some hospitals try to airlift patients, Coast Guard Lt. Cmdr. Cheri Ben-Iesan said, "there are people just taking potshots at police and at helicopters, telling them, `You better come get my family.'"

Outside a looted Rite-Aid drugstore, some people were anxious to show they needed what they were taking. A gray-haired man who would not give his name pulled up his T-shirt to show a surgery scar and explained that he needs pads for incontinence.

"I'm a Christian. I feel bad going in there," he said.

Earl Baker carried toothpaste, toothbrushes and deodorant. "Look, I'm only getting necessities," he said. "All of this is personal hygiene. I ain't getting nothing to get drunk or high with."

Several thousand storm victims had arrived in Houston by Thursday night, and they quickly got hot meals, showers and some much-needed rest.

Audree Lee, 37, was thrilled after getting a shower and hearing her teenage daughter's voice on the telephone for the first time since the storm. Lee had relatives take her daughter to Alabama so she would be safe.

"I just cried. She cried. We cried together," Lee said. "She asked me about her dog. They wouldn't let me take her dog with me. ... I know the dog is gone now."

While floodwaters in the city appeared to stabilize, efforts continued to plug three breaches that had opened up in the levee system that protects this below-sea-level city.

Helicopters dropped sandbags into the breach and pilings were being pounded into the mouth of the canal Thursday to close its connection to Lake Pontchartrain, state Transportation Secretary Johnny Bradberry said. The next step called for using about 250 concrete road barriers to seal the gap.

Thursday… Didn’t they claim to be doing that on Tuesday?

In Washington, the White House said Bush will tour the devastated Gulf Coast region on Friday and has asked his father, former President George H.W. Bush, and former
President Clinton to lead a private fund-raising campaign for victims.

The president urged a crackdown on the lawlessness.

"I think there ought to be zero tolerance of people breaking the law during an emergency such as this — whether it be looting, or price gouging at the gasoline pump, or taking advantage of charitable giving or insurance fraud," Bush said. "And I've made that clear to our attorney general. The citizens ought to be working together."

Donald Dudley, a 55-year-old New Orleans seafood merchant, complained that when he and other hungry refugees broke into the kitchen of the convention center and tried to prepare food, the National Guard chased them away.

"They pulled guns and told us we had to leave that kitchen or they would blow our damn brains out," he said. "We don't want their help. Give us some vehicles and we'll get ourselves out of here!"

For you miserable bastards who don’t believe the situation is as dire as the media predicts:

I talked with a friend tonight who happens to have a dear friend living in New Orleans with her family.  This family is very well off.  They own (or owned) a store downtown and a lumber business.  They also own a second home in Florida which they escaped to when fleeing the storm.  However these wealthy people are unable to withdraw money from the ATM as all the banks in New Orleans were destroyed, and no one is accepting checks from the city of New Orleans.

“Well the entire city had plenty of warning and if you couldn’t afford to drive then you should have seeked shelter.”  One small problem we learned from the family who escaped New Orleans, there was no public transportation in the city till the levees broke.  Well there was, you just had to pay for it.  So all the poor people, the folks in the projects, the handicapped and the elderly well they’re on their own I guess.  That would explain why those who survived the hurricane are now dying.  Or perhaps why people burned to death in a retirement home today.  And of course all the babies who dehydrate very quickly.  

Wow!  I wonder how many people the government will kill tomorrow?

Today the Detroit mayor said he was pissed off and tired of these victims being referred to as “refugees”.  These are American citizens, or at least they thought they were four days ago.  

Michael Brown, director of FEMA, “How dare you people criticize us!  22 million is a helluva lot of money to count out and the Red Cross needs our help!  We’ll get to the rest of you when we can.”

Meanwhile the Red Cross is begging for more donations so that every chapter can have their very own 50 inch Plasma television, and we’re thinking of buying ourselves a cruise ship.

Does everybody remember a lil disaster called the Kobe earthquake?  Japan received a serious tongue lashing from the rest of the world for arriving two days later.  It took FEMA three days to finally roll into Biloxi, Mississippi – mind you, only a handful of trucks.

For those that are stranded in rural areas or small towns it was suggested they just hop in their car and drive to Biloxi, but it turns out that after a 25 foot storm surge, most cars are destroyed or just plain don’t work.  These citizens have no food, no water, no clean drinking water or even their medication.  But Michael Brown pointed out that it may take up to five or six days to reach them; which translate to: Nuts to you!

So what was your favorite part?

How bout the breach in the levee system and the incessant talk of how they’re gonna fix that lil problem?  First sandbags, then concrete dividers and then on to barges.  Pssst!  Come here and I’ll tell ya a secret:  They’ve yet to try any of these brilliant plans for the past two days, and gosh by now the water’s almost leveling off so we don’t even have to bother.  Yay!

Oh the looters…  Weren’t they fun?  Stealing frozen hamburger and Nike shoes as far as the eye could see.  Looting a liquor store then looting a gun and pawn shop across the street.  That’s a great combination.  Wanna play find the white person in amongst the looters?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no… Hey there’s one!  No never mind, he’s Hispanic.  

Thanks to New Orleans the African American race has now been set back about 25 years.

Hurray for reporters!  Without them we would never have been able to see people frantically waving on their rooftops begging for help, or the lil gurl crying in the street asking if they would help give the car a push.  Then of course they quickly panned the camera off and sped away.  *sniff* Those truly are the heroes.

Oh the things you could say about the governor.  Has she committed suicide yet?  If not, she should seriously consider.  Lost inna fog that gal is and not one for decision making.  She makes this huge announcement about evacuating the entire city, but ummm, she’s just not sure how they’re going to do it.  Last night on Larry King I got a lil blip of her telling folks in the Jefferson Parish to get out.  Well actually she floundered on this till Larry asked her point blank and then she answered, “If they can.”  Uh huh.  Guess who was at Jefferson Parish today?  Some 2000 refugees rescued from the tops of their houses; just wandering around the highway and sitting on grass, waiting for buses to take them anywhere else but here.

How bout desperate people who were really damn tired of being ignored and hijacked a bus and hightailed it outta there?

How bout lil Michael Brown of FEMA throwing a lil hissy and saying, “Well if that’s the way you people are going to act then we just won’t help you.”

The President’s fly by on Air Force One.

The continual scratching of the asses for the past three days as opposed to conferring and agreeing on how to help and what to tackle first.  Or better yet, just get your wussy asses in there.

If it takes you this long to figure out what to do and when to get there, while an entire metropolis falls into chaos; we have problems.  The coastlines of three Southern states feel cut off from the world and forgotten; it no longer feels like America for them.  If they can manage to fuck this problem up, what do you imagine would happen if the US suffered a catastrophe of grandiose proportions?  It’d be every man for him self.

For me today, humanity lost any lil shred of dignity or hope they had left.  Hell that whole brain dead fiasco killing over 700 hundred people in Iraq was just a bonus as far as I’m concerned.  I won’t be sending money to the Red Cross or organizations that actually use the funds to help people in need.  At this point, I don’t think mankind is worth it.