Check it out:

This was taken at my cousin's wedding about three years ago.
	This is a dress I bought at least 10 years ago. It's a size 22; still had the tags on it.

   

Since my back has been owwie Mother bought a massaging plus heat computer chair.  Oh my yes, good times.  Now I can’t think of any viable reason why you have the option of it vibrating on the seat in one very particular location.  In fact, when Mother went to buy the chair the cute sales guy asked her, “Now tell me, why’d you pick that one?”  She went into a spiel about a daughter with a bad back.  But hey!  This is just a fun bonus.

That’s what Mother said after I’d been frequently sneaking off with hers.  Yeah thanks to my Happy Holiday Weight Gain I’ve packed on 20 pounds, but damnit, I really did eat some good shit.  And everybody at the doc’s office totally believed me when I said that not only did Mother bake like a madwoman, she then held me down and forced fed me homemade biscotti, Russian Tea Cakes and Ritz Cracker Cookies – I was helpless against her new found strength.

Unfortunately ever since I’ve been having very nasty back and hip pain.  Now for a heifer I’m actually very flexible.  I learned this yoga/stretching move about 12 years ago that’s always kept my spine loosey goosey, but lately it won’t budge and is hard as a rock.  I honestly had to use a walker the other day.  Me!  A 28 yr old with a walker.  That just pissed me off.

I love my doctor.  I was telling her about my recent discovery of Eiswein, and since she’s of Austrian background she had many a story to tell about venturing to lil Mom and Pop wineries.  I told her that I just wish I had some on tap.  Then she tells me, “But you know, they’re high in calories.”  I said, “Yeah well, I’m onna liquid diet.”  She just laughed.

This is a question that’s always lurking in the shadows, and sticking its tongue out on occasion.  It’s kinda caused me to have doubts as to whether I’m really committed to this surgery, or am just wasting everyone's time and money.  I was committed during my first surgery, but after the stricture and an incredibly disappointing loss of only 14 pounds my first month; I just said screw it.

But this is why God invented Mothers.  Mother reminded me that during my previous weight loss, I exercised all the time – at least three hours a day!  I would run up and down the stairs, we had a weight set and not to mention a 4000 sq ft house at the time that I always kept immaculate.  I was like a football player or Olympic athlete and still only ate 1200 calories a day.

I believe my blood tests more than prove that I’m absorbing much more than your normal bypass patient.  Vitamin b12 can only be absorbed in either the duodenum or the jejunum (I can’t remember) and of course under the tongue.  If I’ve taken this supplement a dozen times since surgery I’d be surprised, and yet all my blood tests show my B12 is in perfect range.  If that’s not evidence, then I dunno what is

I get to see both surgeons on Tuesday to talk about the revision.  My only problem is Dr. Felix will be present and I must keep myself from saying every five minutes, “I’m gonna kick you in the nuts!”  

It’s hard for yours truly to be on her best behavior.  I’ll try, but I’m hoping Dr. Swartz has already intervened and said, “If you treat her like every other moo cow patient that lumbers through this slaughter house.  She’s liable to kick you in the nuts.”

Dr. Felix is a spectacular surgeon, it’s just that he’s uppity and lumps all patients together; never bothering with individuality.  Isn’t that what we call Communism?  The truth is Dr. Felix, although highly skilled at his job and doesn’t enjoy killing folks, is just a bully.  And baby if you wanna go that route I can bring ya to your knees.  I ain’t skeert of bullies cuz I am.  Master of Bullidom!

I kinda drug my feet over getting this appointment set up.  Mind you surgeons aren’t in this business to kill folks, but even though my initial surgery (ignoring the later complications) went off without a hitch; I swore I’d never have surgery again.  I was honestly amazed at my stamina after a major operation.  But it’s the whole concept of someone fiddling around with your innards, and you have absolutely no control over the situation.  

Control is such a major issue in anxiety, panic attacks and eating disorders such as bulimia; you feel you’ve lost complete control over your life or a strong presence seems to be dictating your life for you.  This leads to panic attacks, irrational fears and sometimes agoraphobia.  In a bulimic’s case they vomit up their food because this is the one thing they have complete control over in their life.

Anyway I got sidetracked, where was I?  So yeah, I’m off to Fresno on Tuesday.