Not surprisingly I was feeling a little overwhelmed and seriously wigging out.  Then I recalled this silly tiara Mother got me, saying this will have to do until I can get you a real one.  I saw it setting there on the kitchen counter.  Well why not?  And a perfect day for it!  I clipped it in my hair and asked Mother what she thought, she said, “It looks natural, like you were born to wear it.”

It was kinda fun riding through traffic and getting strange looks; I’d holler out, “Yes, I am wearing a tiara.”  Then they’d avert their eyes.  While walking towards the doctors office we passed by people who stopped and blinked a few times to which I once again replied, “Why yes, I am wearing tiara.”  They scurried off.

And into the surgeon’s office I go. I had a mixture of smiles, adverted eyes and who the hell does she think she is looks; all quite fun.

We meet with Dr. Swartz who just had to comment on my headgear; I told him that I just wanted to feel special.  Then we got down to business:

My Upper GI results showed I have a one ounce pouch, but since they’re using liquid it’s not totally accurate.  Still I can eat the same amount as Mother so I can’t possibly have over a two to three ounce pouch.  On that note, Dr. Swartz would prefer to the leave the pouch area alone; if there’s not a significant stretch or capacity then it’s certainly not worth all the risks involved with resizing one’s pouch.

So here’s the plan:  I already have 150 cm bypass plus the 30 bypassing the duodenum; this leaves me with about 7 to 10 feet of small intestines that are absorbing.  If we guesstimate I have 8 ½ feet that gives me a 250 cm common channel.  He wants to bypass another 125 cm (give or take) and leave me with 125 common channel.  Most duodenal switch patients have a 100 cm common channel, but I’ve seen many in the 80, 75 and sometimes 60 cm range.

The surgery should only take about an hour, can be performed laparoscopically and I only have to stay one to two nights in the hospital.  I’ll be on liquids for the first 24 hours, but I won’t have to go through the whole liquid, mush and soft foods stage since the pouch and stoma will stay completely untouched.

Hurray!  No Strictures!

I want Dr. Swartz to do my surgery, but since Felix did my original he felt he needed to consult.  So Dr. Felix came but was already enamored by my tiara and respected my authoratay.  He did start off by asking, “Now do you understand the procedure and everything to expect.”  And before I could even open my mouth Dr. Swartz hopped right in and said, “She understands it completely; she understands it all.”  So between that and my tiara Dr. Felix kinda let his guard down and was rather fun and pleasant.

I was so thrilled I left my tiara on for the rest of the day: shopping, going out to eat.  I learned wearing a tiara is a lot like Xanax.  It makes for one smashing security blanket.

I guess I never quite understood the full extent of my fear till it was lifted off me. I’ve been out and about more in just the past few days than I have for the past six weeks.  Not only was I sashaying along the aisles of stores, but also accosting strangers and askin ‘em how this hat looked on me, askin folks about their cats,  helping a guy pick out a mp3 player for his son and flirting with the cute fisherman guy at the farmer’s market.

Physically I’m the same person I was six weeks ago, but amazingly as I walked by folks they’d actually turn around to look at me.  A few even looked down my shirt; if his wife hadn’t been there at the time I woulda thanked him.