*cough* I actually haven't been to the dentist for ten of your Earth years.  It's not a fear of guys in white smocks holding a drill; I just lost my insurance and then we moved.  I also *cough* wasn't interested at the time in getting my impacted wisdom teeth removed.  But lately my teeth have hurt like hell and have been so bloody sensitive I can't stand it.

You see *cough* I've never been very enthusiastic about dental hygiene, and why should I be?  I don’t’ see a line of handsome men with bulging wallets lined up to stick their tongue down my throat.  So between that and the overwhelming need as a child to do the opposite of what I was told…  Well you get the picture.

Ok, well a few nights ago I noticed some tiny lil brown slits onna few teeth up near my gums.  Oh bugger more cavities.  Actually no, according to Google and dentists’ websites:  My gums have receded and that’s the root showing.  Anyway I spent the next couple days totally freaking out; just sure I’d end up with dentures at 28.  And the really annoying bit is that I’m the only one to blame – it’s so much easier when you can blame somebody else.

“Look what you did to my teeth!  I’m gonna kick you in the nuts!”

But I talked to my therapist and she recommended a wonderful dentist who’s very sweet and apparently doesn’t order six root canals just for the heck of it.  Also I know Stephanie herself is only moderately interested in dental hygiene so hopefully he’s not the type to brow beat you about neglect.

So remember kids:  Floss.

This is sometimes said to a person who lost a spouse.  So does that mean God will be offering up blowjobs now?