It seems in this day and age folks just don’t have time to talk in full sentences, and they certainly ain’t even gonna bother with typing out entire words.  

When I first came across a post about Connie Jackson, it said she was gonna be on DHC.  Was that one of the home shopping networks?  There’s a line of beauty products made with olive oil that goes by that name.  I finally had to click on the article to figure out what the hell she was talking about.

A few weeks ago everybody was wishing me a happy MLK day.  I thought it was a new holiday celebrating milk.  Come to find out they were abbreviating Martin Luther King Day.  So when asked how I celebrated MLK day I replied, “I drank some chocolate milk.”

I miss words.  Today’s broken and severely shortened English just manages to confuse the hell outta me.  It’s like some cryptic Morse Code that noone’s bothered to share with me.  And if I’m confused, just imagine what it must be like for a foreigner.  Maybe I should write a book: Talking to Americans for Dummies.