Everybody within a hundred miles of Monterey:  Stay inside and lock all the doors.

Do you know that depending on the time of year telling someone to go to Carmel is the equivalent of telling them to go to hell?

Damnit!  The preliminaries start tomorrow and I have my dentist appointment in the afternoon.

All the celebrities stay in Pebble Beach.  I mean, I’d much prefer to be ran over by Bill Murray, but instead it’ll be Chakeeta Bonita Shakwranda who came all the way from Georgia to see Kevin Costner or Justin Timberlake.

Get this:  The Church always has a couples’ dinner for Valentines Day, and since Mom’s gotten cute she takes every opportunity to show off.  However these events are often planned in advanced.  Yeah, you’ve probably already guessed it by now.  They have reservations for an Italian restaurant in Carmel Saturday afternoon.  We did weigh Mother’s options for a moment:  Stay home, or show off cute outfit before getting trampled.  And hell, if you’re gonna go you might as well do it looking your best.

So Friday night we’re gonna play dress rehearsal to conclude which outfit is the cutest.  You’ve seen Mom’s wedding pictures.  Can you believe this is the first time in her life that she’s actually felt attractive?  I mean it’s wonderful, and yet kinda sad inna way.

I brushed my teeth anyway.

I'd totally tell ya more about it and show ya pictures and stuff, but I'm just too goddamn lazy right now.

The place is called http://www.myheritage.com.  Of course you have to sign up, that's so bloody annoying, but then you get to play with the facial recognition software and compare yourself to celebrities.  Considering the number of photos I tested I'm having a hard time believing the accuracy, but if you're bored it's one helluva time waster. 

Now according to this site I'm Sharon Tate, Catherine Deneuve, Yoko Ono, the Dalia Lama, Peter Jackson,  Sofia Coppola and David Kelly for some reason.  Depending on your glasses, smile, hair or size of the photo you'll end up all over the map; although the names I gave were oddly consistant. 

I tried a lil experiment and did a couple photos of Mother and my Grandma.  Now interestingly enough we all turned up with Natalie Wood.  Then again Osama Bin Laden was only a 63% match to himself and 49% to Paul McCartney.  And a baby picture of mine showed I was a 39% match to Saddam Hussein.

When you're done with your own pictures then try it out on people you hate.  I swear it'll give you such a warm fuzzy to learn your mortal enemy resembles Margaret Thatcher, Henry Kissinger or Alan Greenspan.  I had one poor gal who only resembled extremely unattractive elderly men: Give ya two guesses and the first two don't count.

Would somebody volunteer to brush their teeth in my honor?  I just can't seem to psyche myself up to humpy it on into the bathroom and perform a task equivalent to brushing your teeth with razor blades.  I think I'll ask the dentist to start on the left side of my mouth tomorrow.

Mother thinks she's quitting therapy and yet she has a shopping addiction; which has become rather critical since she lost her job (actually she's still technically employed, it's just very hard to explain and I don't feel like it) -- this should be interesting.