I posted a new photo to Photos/Kitties.

I posted a new photo to Photos/Kitties.

Now that it's a week passed:  Uncle John's surgery went just fine.  No surprises or hiccups.  He's doing really well, just typically needy and too damn talkative.

I told him to join up with OH; they'll certainly fuel his dependency and overwhelming desire for uninterrupted attention.  God I just hope he doesn't end up with a woman from there.  Which ALWAYS happens to needy, overly emotional single men on there.

Ha!  As soon as the gal finds out who he's related to, she'll leave him.

Today on the Maury Povich show: People with rare disorders remain upbeat... until they visit my show.

Some gurl got her face gnawed on by a dog when she was a baby.  I’d go in search of a pic but I too damn lazy.  Anyway the story goes that Grandma's dog suddenly went apeshit and started attacking the baby who was sitting on the kitchen floor.  Grandma tried to pull the dog off while brilliant Mommy ran outside and yelled for help.  In her words, "I could only watch him bite and tear my baby's face to shreds until he finally got tired.”  First of all, we're not talkin about Marmaduke here.  Second your child is under attack and your first instinct is to get as far away as possible?

This is really simple.  While clearly I am an animal lover, such situations may require harm against the animal in question if someone’s life is in danger.  It's a kitchen; good chance there's quite a few knives around.  Your toddler is being chewed to bits, pulling him off won't work.  You've got to stick your hand and arm in between those gnashing teeth and your child.  That's basically what it comes down to.  Yeah you might get an owwie too, but adrenaline is a funny thing and you just might find yourself breaking the dog's jaw if you have to.

So now the girl is 15 and she comes out to talk with Maury who rehashes the entire situation, including getting picked on at school, and thus making her feel even worse.  There was even a special secret letter to Mom.


Then Maury gave her a gift certificate to Big Lots.  Kinda scraping the bottom of the barrel eh Maury?  Even K-Mart shoppers make fun of Big Lots.

Do people who are in the “family business” of acting watch when their brother, sister, son, daughter, mother or father do a nude, sex scene or both?  If so, do they totally get creeped out?

Last week Donald Trump (after the comment he made about his daughter) taught us that there’s a fine line between being well adjusted and lil too comfortable.

Remember:  Donald Trump?  Good friend of Michael Jackson’s.

That’s just ignorance.

Take the Gyllenhaals for example:

During the screening of Secretary, did Jake spend most of the time in the bathroom?  

During the screening of Brokeback Mountain did Maggie put the popcorn bucket over her head during the gay cowboy make out session?

Okay.  Mom, Dad; coming up is my nude sex scene, but it was shot very tastefully.  Yes there was penetration however the actor portraying my lover was wearing a silicon sheath over his penis so technically our genitals never…  Hey where you going?

Donald Trump:  Where’s the rewind button?  I wanna watch that scene again.

I just did the dishes solely for entertainment.

Normally I’m never this lenient and this person is no exception, but for once I’m going to be nice and conceal their identity.  You’ll understand why.

Anonymous Guy: well i guess we see why you only date idiots cause you will not give decent guys a chance good luck i guess—

Me: Huh?

Anonymous Guy: well you were gonna call me later that day but then you did not contact me for two weeks

Me: I know, I'm a lying bastard. I went ahead and took down my profile. I guess I'm just not at a point in my life where I'm interested inna relationship. And it's not fair to keep leading guys on. So instead of being a weenie I decided to tell ya up front.

Anonymous Guy: well thank you then, i am not looking for a relationship right now, just someone to hang with. let me know when you fell better

Me: I'm happy to chat with ya sometime when you're interested

Anonymous Guy: i am interested

Me: Did ya see any snow?

Anonymous Guy: nope i do not like snow so i aviod it as much as i can

Me: How's come ya don't like it?

Anonymous Guy: i grew up in it

Anonymous Guy: it is stickly and cold

Me: Oooooo, where'd ya grow up?

Anonymous Guy: in vermont the north east

Me: Oh wow yeah, lots of snow I bet

Anonymous Guy: so what do you do if you do not work or go to school, you must have some hobbies?

Me: I write a lot and attempt to generally annoy people

Anonymous Guy: wow someday you are gonna have some real good karma come your way

Me: No such thing as karma, fate, etc

Anonymous Guy: yes there is, i can only hope that when it finally catches up with you that you relize what it is

Me: No, people only announce or believe in it when it's convenient. If you believe someone got what they deserved, does that mean the nice lady next door who was killed inna car accident deserved that also. Because of a few bad people, is that why hurricane Katrina happened?

Anonymous Guy: sure if that is what karma felt she was owed

Anonymous Guy: was she a child molester, did she kick her cats

Anonymous Guy: who knows what reason maybe her dying saved her from some even greater trajedy

Me: And the people that have lost her, did they do something to deserve that also?

Anonymous Guy: possible, who says the strength they derived from losing her did not come in handy at some later point in time

Me: Uh huh, and you totally dodged the hurricane question

Anonymous Guy: there was some greater reason behind it

Anonymous Guy: but i am not karma

Me: Some greater reason besides weather conditions and poor preparations?

Anonymous Guy: that was karma, they were such cheap people they could not make the necessary preperation and they knew for years

Me: The people who didn't bother with the preperations were fine; it's called the government. What about the citizens who suffered?

Anonymous Guy: who elected the government

Me: Wow, I kinda take it back. Nice meeting you

Anonymous Guy: just that they spend the funds on other stuff

Me: Damn those people living in the projects

Anonymous Guy: they voted for that mayor

Me: They sure deserved it

Anonymous Guy: not in my eyes, but i do beleive in karma

Me: And I'm sure it believes in you

Anonymous Guy: so when do i get my hug

Just no, and he's lucky I ain't posting his name and picture 'long side this conversation.

Turns out Russ misunderstood her; she didn’t have a full strip search they just prodded at her knees.  Still the anger was incredibly helpful and helped me forget all about being terrified.

As for the stalker I am feeling better about that as well.  I think it was just the stress of the day and that damn weird call.  I’m ignoring this person’s email and IM’s.  I can’t keep them from haunting my website 18 times a day, but I can keep a lot of stuff private.  It’s not like I’ve received and any threatening snail mail letters or phone calls.  So now that logic has been allowed back in I can safely say, “It’s okie dokie.”

Anyways Mother just giggled with delight as she was able to comfortably fit in the seat and could even put her tray down.  She’s so bad.  Leading up to this trip we were terribly busy picking out her cutest outfits so’s she could show off.

Weight has always been Grandma’s raison de’tre; woman is forever onna diet and even though Mother has been incredibly successful in her career and family life (these being accomplishments that her other two offspring never achieved) she still saw her as a failure just because she was fat.  So it’s safe to say that Mother’s gonna have a good time.

This whole stalker business is wearing thin.  

I get a call at 5:30 this morning and of course I figured it was either Mom or Dad. (Even though this is totally off subject I have to throw this in here: They strip searched Mother because her knees made the stupid security go off.  Funny, she wasn’t wearing a turban.  America West’s ass is grass).  But I didn’t recognize the number; some 847 area code.  I answer it and it’s some damn East Indian looking for Elizabeth Lee.  I ask, "May I ask who’s calling?" and damned if I know what the hell he said.  I think somewhere among the gibberish I heard “job”.  Now it’s not uncommon for East Indians to call and bug you about your credit cards, phone service, etc, but it was the timing that threw me off.  I just sat there stunned for a moment, trying replay what the hell he said in mind and finally told him, “Look, it’s 5:30 in the morning here.”  “Oh I very sorry.  I call back later.”

Now logically it was probably just a headhunter from the East Coast calling about a job for Mom and just wasn’t paying attention to the time.  

I know it doesn’t help that my period is over due, but I’ve had just about enough of this.  I am not a paranoid person, and this is really startin to piss me off.  I just got through locking some doors that I wasn’t even aware had locks on ‘em.  We’re on great terms with both our neighbors.  Everybody around here owns at least one dog and there are killer chickens across the street.

Now everybody knows I’ve always said that I wanna go out as being assassinated or winding up as a head in some nut’s freezer.  Yeah well be careful what you wish for; it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

Mother’s leaving for Kansas this morning to help Grandma out.  Kaye’s been a real pain in the ass, even made it to ICU, got everyone’s hopes up and then lived.  Good goin.

So that’s something a 79 year-old woman just shouldn’t have to deal with, but my Uncle’s also having WLS surgery on St. Patrick’s Day.  Thus Mother felt compelled to go down and help.

I’m not going because A: I’m not leaving my kids for two weeks; especially Patches.  And B: With my back problems I’d be more of a burden then help to anyone; the flight alone would kill me.  And C: I really just have absolutely no desire to go to Kansas.

But damn!  You know, it’s been quite awhile since Mother’s gone off to some far away place without me.  I am not the kinda tard who freaks and obsesses over plane crashes, but today I am.  And to top it off: Look at what the weather’s been doing in the Midwest!  Some damn outbreak of tornadoes killed 10 people in Missouri.  I say screw it!  You guys would never go out of your way to help us so go fuck yourselves Mom’s stayin here.

I feel like a kid who can’t sleep through the night for anticipation of snow accumulation and the possibility of school closing.

We’ve had sleet here in the past; they refer to it as hail in California.  But this time conditions are extremely unstable and that’s why snow is actually possible.

I wish I knew what our elevation was.

Shutup damnit!  It IS interesting!

Snow as low as 400 feet and possible snow flurries at sea level.  When was the last time that happened?

Then you’re gonna love today’s Maury Povich show.  A sensitive show featuring grossly overweight preschool aged children wearing nothing but a loincloth.  We can’t possibly have them full clothed; we’d lose our freak appeal.

Patches had his first vet visit about three weeks ago.  You’re supposed to take your newly adopted pet to the vet within the first three days, but since Patches didn’t come out from under the bed for 2 ½ weeks.  I really wanted to make sure he was purty well adjusted and trusting before we attempt a car ride + vet visit.  So 2 ½ months later and here we go:

Now since Hurricane Katrina a pet carrier has always meant one thing Patches: I’m being carted off some place unfamiliar.  While he’s really mellowed out and is even flirting with the idea of becoming a lap cat, he will have nothing to do with being picked up thank you very much.  This boy becomes greased lightning.  I thought Allie was bad, but Patches seemingly grows about eight extra limbs and about two seconds after trying to hold onto him you’re asking yourself, “Where’d he go?”  So I picked him up and obviously it’s not going well; then Russ caught him under his arms and Patches looked in his eyes and just went limp realizing he was so screwed.  After putting him in the carrier he did hiss a few times and I told him, “Ok, I understand, you’re pissed off right now and that’s ok.  You’re gonna be fine Patches.  We are going to the vet, but you get to come right back home.  Noone’s abandoning my boy.”

Now in the car he barely made a peep and I was actually able to talk him into relaxing some.  However, once we got into a room at the vets he recognized the surroundings immediately: white, sterile room; cold metal table; dogs barking in the background – Oh God it’s the end.  Poor lil guy backed into the corner of the carrier and tried to meld into one being.  I felt so bad and no amount of sweet talk could calm him down.

When the doctor came in we had a time even getting him outta the carrier.  He didn’t try to bite or claw her; he just wanted the hell outta there.  Now he’s never let me hold him but at that moment he buried his lil face in shirt and got as close to me as possible.  Since he was purty spooked he got a get out jail free card from having a thermometer up his ass.  The vet went ahead and brought the scale into the room since I warned her he was just like greased pig today.  After weighing he bounded straight into the carrier and said, “Let’s get the hell outta here.”

He was quiet again on the way home.  Now I assumed he might spend a lil time under the bed again.  It makes sense and it’s only natural after the trauma he endured in New Orleans.  But when we got back inside the house and I opened the door to the carrier he didn’t dart off to hide.  On the contrary he began to check out all the rooms and make sure this was home.  Of course his first mission was to find his woman Molly who was asleep on the couch.  Then after about ten minutes of investigating he was in the kitchen talking to us and playing ear plug hockey.

He seems to have some sort of skin allergy.  There’s also a good possibility that the allergy is coupled with a nervous habit. The vet noticed some spots where he’d scratched repeatedly.  She gave me a fatty acid supplement to add to his food, but as the days went by we started noticing more and more bald spots.  We started callin him our lil baboon butt as he’d ripped out the hair around his backside and underneath his tail.  So I told him, “Patches I know I promised you that ya wouldn’t have to go back to the vet for another six months, but I’m gonna have to renege on that.”

So two weeks after his first visit we took him back, however his behavior was night and day.  He’s my smart lil boy.  After the first visit he realized he gets to come home and Mommy’s not gonna abandon him.  He was so good.  He didn’t even flinch when she gave him a shot and allowed Dr. Fling to take him outta the room to get weighed.

Anyways his scabs are healing over and his fur seems to be growing back in.  He’s a lot calmer and doesn’t wake out of a deep sleep to try and chew his hide off.

This was really cool:  The doctor from the first visit I hadn’t seen in awhile as she had been pregnant and then off for maternity leave.  She said that it was nice seein me again as we hadn’t seen each other in quite awhile and said she was really sorry to hear about Allie.  It’s been nearly ten months since his passing, she wasn’t even there at the time and still she remembered.  How cool is that?

Just mere days after complaining about my lack of House viewing, it suddenly appeared on its regular night and time slot.  Coincidence?  Oh I think not.

See?  I do control the universe.  Now go and do my bidding.

For now I’m taking a break from sponsoring any additional kitties.

Nova has been adopted.  Patches’ sis Iris was adopted along with another sis Melody.  In fact all eight cats that were brought back from New Orleans have since been adopted.  Beth was adopted.  I think Crash got adopted as well.  There was also another FIV positive kitty that I forgot to get a pic of and now she’s already adopted as well.

These are my remaining sponsored kitties.


Buttermilk is a beautiful long-haired cream colored boy. Buttermilk has a soft purr, loves to be held and given a kiss on the head. He is jealous of other cats and would prefer to be your only boy. He has been used to living a safe indoor/outdoor life and needs to continue the same lifestyle. He is fine with dogs. Call (831) 333-0722



Mystique is a gorgeous longhaired black kitty with enchanting yellow eyes. She's about 2 years old, and loves to be held, petted and brushed. Mystique tested positive for FIV, but is completely healthy and robust. She will need to be an indoor kitty in a single-cat home, or with other FIV positive cats. Meet Mystique at the Posh Pets Adoption Center, 160 Fountain Ave in Pacific Grove. Mystique is a Compassionate Choice cat, her adoption fee will be waived to a good, loving home. Call (831) 333-0722

Because the Midwest and the South would’ve started rioting in the streets.  Innocent bystanders would have been accosted and forced to read pamphlets titled The Word of God.  The 700 Club would be shown on every channel and Pat Robertson would be declared the undisputed tyrant of the New World Order of Christ.  We’d have to watch reruns of Touched by an Angel.  Christian Rock would take over the airwaves.  Howard Stern would be replaced by Kenneth Copeland.  Free porn spam would be replaced with religious chain letters fixed with a tracking device; if you broke the chain your first born would be slaughtered.

Still, it would be a world without Ryan Seacrest.

Despite what this person claimed.  How does one know you’ve been hacked anyway?  I have no idea who or what DLR is.  According to Google it’s either the Docklands Light Railway in London or David Lee Roth, and I can’t think of any viable reason why either of those two would have anything to do with my site.  Also the ISP was out of England.

Anyway I sent all the info in an email to my server here and they said that they monitor that sort of thing so if anything like that happened they woulda been aware.

It’s getting a lil spooky around here though.  Seriously, someone has been obsessively stalking my website; someone besides Amy.

I do implore you to research all surgeries to learn which best fits your needs.  I am not a cheerleader for any particular surgery.  Just because I had the RNY doesn’t necessarily mean it’s for you.

The following are helpful links that include not only information but stories from patients.

http://www.duodenalswitch.com/

Duodenal switch forum    

http://www.lap-band-surgery.org/

Lap-Band forum

RNY forum 

With RNY being the darling of WLS there doesn’t seem to be one site that's dedicated entirely to information only, or at least none that I’ve been able to find.  Most are personal webpages or surgeon’s websites.  So in this case I’m going to add my own surgeon’s site. 

http://bariatricsurgeons.com/home.htm

Goddamnit!  When the hell is House on?  One week it wasn’t on; another it was on Monday.  

American Idol is only interesting during the auditions when people make complete asses of themselves, wind up sobbing hysterically and wishing they were dead.  Or former street walkers claiming they’ll have eleven platinum albums.  Yes that’s nice dear.  What a lovely formfitting washcloth and wig you’re wearing.  Move along now.