Yes this is how I spent my Friday night:  Unclogging a toilet that made the hippo pool at three in the afternoon look pristine.  My Father would haul bucket after bucket of this foul and noxious toxic waste from Mother’s bathroom to the guest bathroom; sloshing shit all over the carpet.  His brilliant idea was to heat water up in the microwave and add it to the affected toilet in hopes of liquefying the clog.  Never mind my idea of turning the handheld shower head to volcanic heat and spraying it directly into the commode as opposed to waiting eight minutes for hot water from the microwave.  Russ believes this solution will work from now on, as opposed to ya know, calling someone. 

The bathroom and toilet he was exchanging the buckets of shit into is supposed to be the guest bathroom, but that’s also an enormous joke as he frequents that toilet leaving urine stains and dried up shit all around the floors and walls.  *thumbsup*

Summer is upon us and that means company is coming to visit.  Company = Guest bathroom.  I personally would be mortified to allow company (even those who know me well) to ever step foot in the guest bathroom.  Russ?  He doesn’t care, just wipes shit on the wall like a retard.

Also that night I read the policy for my new insurance.  Now everybody knows I’m spectacular at overreacting, so just to be on the safe side I read this joke of a policy about four times.  I plan on copying every goddamn page and putting it on my blog for all to see, as they demand their policy back if you choose to reject them.  Gee I wonder why?  Is it because they lied in the beginning over what medical expenses they would actually cover?

Here are just a few funnies:

1.  No drug or medication benefits.
2.  No physical exams.
3.  They will only cover two physician appointments per calendar quarter and that’s if you add on another package.
4.  Refuses to cover anything having to do with weight loss.
5.  Will not cover any type of mental disorders including counseling.
6.  Will not cover any pre-existing conditions for a year starting from your effective coverage date.
7.  A pre-existing condition is defined as any illness, physical ailment or reason for previous physician visit for two years prior to your initial effective coverage date.

Oh yeah, I’m copying every one of these pages before sendin it back to ‘em.

When you Google ‘em you’ll find several class action lawsuits against them including an investigation launched by the state of California.  Let us not forget that California sent me an application to Mega Health Insurance, but also one from their sister company.

Never more than that night did I want to blow my brains out.  I mean really, what the hell. 

Nobody believes my story anymore and honestly with each passing day I find myself caring less.  Oh sure they always say things like: 
“Gosh golly gee, I’m really sorry to hear you went through all that.” 
“Oh my gosh that’s so scary!  I hope the same thing doesn’t happen to me.” 
“Wow you’ve really been through a lot.  Wanna hear how great I’m doing?” 
“I’m so sorry to hear you went through all that.  Have you had your revision yet?” 
“So what exactly happened to you?”

It’s so pretentious and superficial it hurts, but who can blame them?  Who the hell has ever heard of such a case?  By this time the only folks that believe are those who were present during the ordeal.  So next time you get sliced open, have your innards rearranged but something goes wrong, please feel free to come to me and I’ll happily suggest masturbating with a cheese grater or rototiller.  There now, I’m not totally unreasonable.

I’ve decided to go onna all liquid and pill diet.  Ever see a fat junkie?

I’ve also got my birthday money left; maybe they sell guns on eBay.  After all they sell tasers which are outlawed in many states – that still makes me laugh every time.

I just hope he keeps his pants on in the film or is at least wearing some very durable underwear beneath that behemoth muumuu.