Ya know after the town folk finally conceded that indeed there was no "putting Humpty Dumpty back together again", someone chimed in and asked, "Why the hell did we put him on top of that wall in the first place?"

This is not how I want to live my life; it's certainly not the future I envisioned before my first surgery. I'm happy to see it's worked for so many others, but I will never again boast of its great tidings of unfathomable weight loss.

How?  Please tell me how I'm supposed to ingest 20+ pills in the morning, not including my powder crap.  Good ol' Powder Crap came along after revision surgery to slow my digestion and keep the "Hey you guys!  I just crapped my pants again!", to a minimum. 

What the fuck is Hydrocortisone and why do I need to take it 3 times daily?

Who the hell has low cholesterol?  Seriously.  I was told I need more fat in my diet:  Dude, I buy avocados every time they're on sale and have also become quite chummy with my friend Hummus, roasted vegetable sandwich, etc, etc...  Apparently I'm just not absorbing any fat at all.

And now, the end is here

My adrenal gland's asleep and my thyroid is comatose.  To wake the buggers up I have to increase my Synthroid, but (and this is the best part) this must be done very gradually.  Why you ask? Well it turns out that too much thyroid hormone will toss ya into congestive heart failure.  (The good part's comin up, I'm super cereal).

Oh my, well what are the symptoms to this affliction?

Heart palpitations, feeling restless, nervous, etc...

Ummm, aren't those also common symptoms for panic attacks?

YES!  Is that fuckin hysterical or what?

By the way, could ya do me a favor and not call the cops?  Never cared anyway, just wanted notoriety on one of the many lame (which is purty much all of 'em) message boards the Internet has to offer.  Besides, I'm not going anywhere; Craig's decided to go into political science and wants to become a Senator.  And I wanna be there in my wheelchair, shitting my pants when he's sworn in.