I hate Al Gore, don’t you?

Penn & Teller: Bullshit! did an episode this season titled, Being Green.  While they admitted to no clear cut evidence as to whether (or weather) Global Warming truly does exist, nor could they claim Bullshit.  They were however able to slam Carbon Footprints, and completely eviscerate the bogus solution of monetarily paying for your own Carbon Footprints you’ve left on this ever so delicate planet.  I suppose they make you start from the beginning, and pay for every diaper you used as a baby. 

And who is behind this ludicrous, and yet overwhelmingly profitable idea?  Al Gore: The guy who won an Oscar for a slide show, and the Nobel Peace Prize for creating an ingenious pyramid scheme.

Penn and Teller managed to sodomize this man with a rototiller.  

I love Penn Jillette and Teller, don’t you?
shaking fist Say it!

So this was just a few days after learning my Aunt Neno passed away, and like the rest of us soon will be (or already are) buried in the cemetery located in Vassar, KS.  I was searching the net for the population of Vassar, KS, wondering if there were more people buried at the cemetery.  If I remember correctly when I Googled “Vassar, Kansas population”, the third result contained big bold letters telling me how many Carbon Footprints Vassar, KS is responsible for emitting.  The website was eRedux.com and how very fortunate for me when they offered a contact us link.

Five minutes ago I just performed the identical search.  This time the same result didn’t even make it to the top ten.  Perhaps the following letter is the reason why.

 

Written on 8/28/08

Carbon Footprints from Vassar, Kansas?  A town with a population of 845.  The cemetery houses more people, and by the way half my family is buried there.

 

Stop preying on people's fears and hard earned money.  Want to clean up the environment?  Start by taking a shower, wiping the sperm off your 75 inch plasma screen television, give your kids some Gas-X (all those organic vegetables you feed them are giving them a tummy ache) and please start wiping your own ass.

 

Al Gore isn't a Noble Prize winner and certainly no saint.  He's just another money grubbing politician; who like George Bush is killing millions through his "quest", and you are all his accomplices. 

 

Can't wait to visit your graves and stamp it with my own little personal Carbon Footprint.

 

R.I.D. (Rest in delusion),

Brooke

 

While removing my slippers, at 2:20 am, I’m suddenly struck by a revelation – although the slippers had no part in the “Ah Ha” moment.  It’s what was currently occupying my thoughts; I pondered over the reasons why I’m so terrified of driving.  I have a small accident and my drunk, irresponsible and abusive Uncle to thank for this irrational fear.  To make up for his wrong doings, and to keep me quiet, he always bought me stuff if that day or a previous visit was exceptionally brutal.  And yet through it all I still loved him and we always had a blast together, and generally just had an obscene amount of fun.

One slipper off 

Fun:  Laughing so hard you wind up on the floor, giving yourself a headache, wasting your time trying to catch your breath.  If you had anything in your mouth you either nearly choke to death or projectile whatever was very recently consumed; and you may as well just forget about your bladder. 

Other slipper in hand

My Uncle is/was like two people.  “Hurray!  Funny Uncle John is here”, to, “Please, dear God, let me outta this car now”, or, “It’s a lil tough to breathe with your hands locked around my throat.” 

Craig isn’t abusive or violent; just manipulative, passive aggressive, addicted to computer games, addicted to drugs and a world class liar. 

But, but we laugh and have the best time together.  It’s just that it seems… 

You have to deal with two people in one? 

Yes 

By this time both slippers had found their own place to settle in for the night.  I just stared at them 

History is being repeated brought to you by the son.