Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry you’re feeling so down. But you’re right. You’re not the same person you were 4.5 years ago. Good on you for recognizing this.

The question is, why would you be? People mature, tastes and attitudes change, souls expand as experiences unfold. Even if you hadn’t been subject to all the miserable misfortunes you’ve suffered, there would have been no guarantee of health, wealth, happiness or wisdom down the road. Mourn your losses, but don’t grieve too long. You’re not broken. You’re not dead. You are tired and depressed and sick of feeling sick. Could you consider Rx antidepressants? (No, I’m incapable of diagnosing anyone’s depression. Only ten years’ personal experience lets me say that while my meds don’t guarantee happiness, they do offer a clarity that I don’t realize I’m missing until a loved one calls me on it.)

Today’s Brooke is better that the one you knew half a decade ago. And the one 4.5 years from now will absolutely rock, compared to today’s. So step back and regroup. You know what you need to do. In the end, it really is all about you and only you.

Please note this is not a lame ‘buck up, lil’ buckeroo’ attempt. It would piss me off if someone told me to count my blessings; on the other hand, I don’t get the impression you appreciate cheerleading strangers. The thing is, you are a smart lady, and it WILL get better. You KNOW it will get better. Sometimes even the smartest people forget that.

I think you should sue until you feel better - people fucked you up and they should be held accountable. Other than that I am hoping that the last surgery you had corrected the insane malabsorption & that your innards will settle down to some sort of a truce & you'll feel better.

I miss the old sassy & sarcastic Brooke of yore (mkes you sound like Ivanhoe doesn't it - yore).

D from Toronto

damn, that is sad. i keep hoping things will improve for you. i'll keep the prayers coming.

you are a really good writer. have you thought of trying to get any of this published?